Page 20 of A Not So Merry Ex-Mas

“She has cancer.” Cole’s arms wrap tighter around me and his warmth surrounds me but doesn’t get rid of the chill that’s taken over my body.

“I’m so sorry, Bug.” I feel his lips on the top of my head as he gently rocks me back and forth. “How can I help?”

“She told me the doctor said she’s lucky it’s only stage one and completely treatable.” I sink into Cole’s embrace, letting his strength support me. “I told her I was coming to help her, but she said she wanted me to stay in school. That she’ll let me know if she needs help.”

“What about your Dad? Can he help?” Cole’s hand runs up and down my back.

“I haven’t called him yet.” I let out a choppy breath. My dad is a journeyman carpenter and goes where the work is. Sometimes, he’s in Utah; other times he’s not. When he is, he stays with his mom. “Gran said that she called him, and he was going to come and stay with her while she was getting treatments.”

“Well, that’sgood.” I nod my head up and down against his chest.

I have three months left before college graduation. The MLB draft is in July. Cole and I have been talking about what we would dowhenhe is drafted to the majors. Barring any injuries, Cole will be drafted. Scouts have been coming to games since last season, and at least half of the teams want him.

We were going to spend our life together; we already had a plan.

But that plan didn’t include Gran getting sick.

“What am I going to do?”

Cole gently pushes me away from him so that he can look directly at me. He lifts my chin with his thumb.

“Ladybug, this doesn’t change anything. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. We will do whatever we have to.”

“But, the draft—”

“We have time. We’ll figure this out. I promise.” My heart expands at how lucky I am to have this man in my corner.

“Are you sure?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Do you even have to ask that?” He chuckles and gently brushes his lips against mine. Then he whispers againstthem. “You are my home. We’re doing this together, and we’ll figure it out. Together.”

Tears fill my eyes at the turn my life took after that perfect Christmas in Utah.

Gran wasn’t supposed to get sick. I wasn’t supposed to marry Dean. But she did,and I did. I pushed Cole away because I didn’t want to hold him back from his dream. He worked so hard and was so talented. I couldn’t live with myself if I had done that to him.

The tears silently fall down my face as I relive my past choices.

The pain I caused Cole and myself by pushing him away and refusing to take his calls was breath-stealing. I knew how much time it took to be a professional athlete, and he needed to focus on his career with the Rays.

I didn’t want the mess that my life had become to be a distraction. I wanted him to focus. More importantly, I wanted him to show the world what he could do. He was a fantastic pitcher and deserved all the accolades that would come his way.

During that time, I pushed Mel away for a bit. She kept calling, hoping I’d be able to see that Cole and I could figure out a way to make things work. But I couldn’t see past anything other than my grief.

I thought I knew what was best. And the sicker Gran got, the more complicated things became. I couldn’t drag Cole down with me.

So I didn’t.

The door closing startlesme, and I rub my eyes to get my bearings. I feel the heat from the roaring fire and the weight of a blanket on top of me. A smile slides across my lips, knowing Cole is responsible for both.

I snuggle under the blanket and breathe out slowly, basking in the feeling of having someone take care of me for the first time in what feels like forever.

Besides Cole and Mel, Gran was the only one I trusted to be there for me. Losing them both at the same time was—

“No, I’m not going there.” I push the blanket off and get up from the couch. I walk determinedly to my room and change. I quickly stop in the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth and head back into the living room. I am determined to keep busy and not revisit the past today, though with my past confronting me in person, I’m unsure how I will do that.

But I’m determined to try.

So I do what I’ve done for the past ten years: I focus on this moment and this moment alone. I fold the blanket, throw it over the back of the couch, and then head to the kitchen.

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