Page 19 of A Not So Merry Ex-Mas

“When I last saw you.” I push past the lump in my throat. “My baseball career was over. I was on the outs with my dad, and I wasn’t handling any of it well. When I saw you with Dean, something snapped.”

I watch her shoulders rise and fall as she presses her lips together. Her eyes are guarded, and I can’t read them.

“I was awful to you, and I’ve regretted it ever since. Please know that I am so very sorry.”

We stand there, just looking at each other, not saying a word. The crackle of the fire is the only sound.

She gives me a slight nod before turning around again.

I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. Tears sting the back of my eyes.

The anchor holding my heart down is released. I'm unsure what happened or how it will affect anything, but light and a sense of euphoria come over me.

The sound of Noelle’s door closing brings me back to the fact that I’m still standing by the front door, staring at the place she last stood.

A wide smile crosses my face as I pick up my coat, slide on my boots and grab the flashlight. I open the door just as a gust of freezing air decides to blow, and I shiver.

But nothing can blow out the flame that is now burning within. Hope. There is hope.

Chapter Nine

Noelle

It’s been over anhour since I heard Cole go to his room and I haven’t stopped tossing and turning. My inability to fall asleep after the day of travel I’ve had makes no sense.

I flip onto my back, let out a giant huff and stare at the ceiling for another minute before finally throwing the covers off. There’s no point continuing to lay here in the dark, pretending I will fall asleep at any moment. It’s not happening.

I sit up and quietly throw my legs off the side of the bed. Then, I slowly lower my feet to the floor, trying to avoid making any noise and risk waking Cole up. Icarefully put all of my weight on my feet, then gingerly tip-toe my way to the door.

The floor creaks and I freeze, holding my breath. When I don’t hear anything outside my room, I take the final steps to the door and grab the doorknob. I slowly turn the knob doing my best to prevent the latch from making any noise.

When the door finally opens, I stand still and listen for any sounds. When I’m met with silence, I let out a sigh of relief. I open the door and slowly work my way down the hallway into the living room.

The room is bathed in shadows as the barely lit fire is in its final stage of life.

“Can’t have that.” I smirk and quietly grab a log, placing it on the embers. I pick up the bellows sitting next to the poker and squeeze a few times, hoping to stoke the fire back to life.

I watch as tiny flames lick at the new wood, and I can already feel the heat starting to embrace me.

A shadow to my left catches my eye, and I turn to find the Balsam Fir set up in the corner. I walk over and rub one of the branches, my lips softly lifting at the corners.

It is lovely. Cole was right. Gran would be very proud of this tree selection.

My smile dips as I think of my grandmother. What would she think about how my life turned out? Would she be disappointed in me? Would she have chastised me over my decisions?

The knowledge strikes me that if she were still with me, she would be nothing but loving and supportive. I also do not doubt that my life today would be completely different.

Gran was the one person I could always depend on while Mom and Dad were going through their drama. She supported me, loved me and did her best to guide me. That’s why I didn’t hesitate to move to Utah when she got sick, even though it meant completely changing my plans.

Not taking my eyes off the tree, I amble backward until the back of my legs meet the couch. I lower myself gently to the cushions, tuck my legs under me and lean my elbow against the armrest as my other arm gently rubs my chest.

“Ladybug, what’s wrong?” Cole sweeps me up in his arms as tears fall down my face.

“Gran is sick,” I whisper, shock filling every part of my body. Cole and I were with her a month ago, and she looked fine.

I noticed there were moments when she hesitated before doing something, but when I asked if something was wrong, she insisted everything was okay.

But it wasn’t. She just didn’t want to worry me, and she hadn't had any answers yet. Today, after all the tests and speaking to her doctor, she has answers, but they aren’t good.

---