Page 137 of The Spring in My Heart

When she’s upset, she always gets herself worked up, and I want her to be calm. I guide her to sit and go get us water and tissues.

I wait until she drinks some water. “You’ve been crying a lot.”

She bobs her head up and down. “I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

“You did, and I hurt you too. I’m sorry I said that you betrayed me. You didn’t. That’s not a betrayal. You lied to me…”

She winces and lowers her head.

“…but you didn’t betray me, A. In truth, you had all the right in the world to talk to your mom. I’m sorry because I never made that clear to you. I’m sorry I was stuck in my hurt and made you feel like you had to talk to her in secret.”

“I shouldn’t have lied, Papi. I damaged our relationship. You don’t trust me, and I don’t even know if you want me to stay with you.”

Jesus. The wave of emotion hits so hard my eyes start to sting quickly. I have to swallow the mass of emotion and clear my throat so I can speak.

“No, you shouldn’t have lied, but don’t you know how much I love you? Don’t you know you are the most important thing in my life? How can you say you’re not sure if I want you to be here?”

She stands and moves away from me. “Because you won’t look at me anymore. You acted like I wasn’t around, except to drive me to school, like grandma said, like a chore.”

The rage flows right through me. “What? She told you that?”

She shakes her head. “She told Mom when she thought I hung up. She said that you’re a great dad, but maybe you wanted a break from the chore of being a full-time parent. She said you gave up everything for me. I’m sorry you gave up everything you love for me.”

I breathe because I’m not going to call that woman a bad name in front of my daughter. She already knows where we stand. Right now, I need to reassure Ayla and figure out how to proceed. My daughter is not a toy of hers to discard and pick up because of a whim.

“Your grandmother is mistaken. You’ve never been a chore to me. I didn’t give up everything. I gave up baseball because I got hurt, and I didn’t think I could go back to being the player I was before. And yes, you were on the way, and you are a billion times more important than the game. I wouldn’t trade a second with you to be playing for any team. I love being your dad and coaching you.”

She half smiles but doesn’t come back to the couch.

“I don’t want to go live with Mom, but I will if you need some time for yourself. Maybe you want to go make things work with Lux.”

A freezing wave blows through my stomach. Those are not her words. I’m so angry I could punch a wall through the brick with my fists. Noris is still manipulating and causing problems for me.

“I don’t want you to live with anyone but me. If you were to go live with your mom, I would follow you wherever you go because you’re the only person in this world I cannot live without. My issues with Lux have nothing to do with you.”

“How can you say that? You’re both lying. If it weren’t because of me, you would be together.”

So, she saw her.

“She lied to me, Ayla. I can’t forgive her for that.”

“I lied too,” her voice rises.

“Yes, but it’s different. You’re a child who wanted to talk to her mom. She lied about something she and I should have been on the same page about. I’m not angry with her anymore. We see things differently. And I don’t want this talk to be about that. I want this conversation to be about you and me. I’m not going to get in the way if you want to talk to your mom. But I want you here with me…if that’s what you still want.”

And I hold my breath because what if she tells me she doesn’t want that?

She comes back to the couch and sits right next to me. She buries her face in the crook of my shoulder. “I want to stay here with you. And I just want to talk to Mom sometimes. I don’t want to live with her. She asked me, but…”

“But?”

“I don’t trust her.”

Because she’s not trustworthy. She’s opportunistic, and she left you. How can someone leave someone so beautiful to chase money?

Her words are a balm for my soul. “Trust takes time, negrita. You have to get to know her first.”

“I don’t know. She left us. Is it going to take a long time for you to trust me again?”

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