Page 151 of The Spring in My Heart

Whatever she needs, I will be there.

Lauren

I know…but you have to SHOW her...

Even she knows that’s where I failed. But I will do better. I will give her time and space, but I will make sure she knows she can count on me, even if nothing comes of it.

When Ay comes back with the coffee, I look up and thank her. “The service for Lux’s mom is the day after tomorrow. I would like you to come with me.”

She nods. “We have to be there for Lux and Bron. Yes, and for Cam and Chase. The whole family needs us.”

I run my hands over her hair and nod. “We will be there for them.”

31

Lux

It’s a cloudy day, and that doesn’t surprise me because such was my relationship with my mom. It was never bright, and that doesn’t change because she’s gone. We are surrounded by our loved ones and close friends. It warms my heart to see Oliver and Ayla here. Lauren said he’s been asking about me and that he’s here for me. And though we are not together, that fills my heart.

But no one is really here for Marilyn. The only one would have been Eddha, but her daughter took her home because the funeral would have been too much for her.

I stare at the baby-blue coffin, and the wave of regret washes over me again. Cam, Chase, and I agreed to expedite the services without seeing a need to prolong the inevitable. So, like we did when she was alive, we outsourced and paid to speed up the process of dealing with her death. And that breaks my heart.

And scares me to death.

I don’t want to end up this way, where the only time peace is reflected on my face is in a beautiful coffin that will end up six feet under anyway. We will pay for beautiful grass and a flower bush to be planted.

The three of us can’t bring ourselves to speak about Marilyn to the world. We said the things we needed to say when Cam and Chase picked me up from the airport, and I got to go see the body. I brought her baby-blue Manolos and the matching Zuhair Murad dress she wore when Cam got signed to the Emperors. I forgave her for not being a mom to me and for manipulating me all these years. I told her I was sorry I couldn’t be the daughter she wanted and told her I was still working on forgiving her for what she did to Chase.

As in life, my brothers and I didn’t leave each other alone with her, and since then, every time we have things to say about her, we say them to each other. No one else understands what our relationship with her was like. We even called Walter together. Chase held my hand as Cam gave him the details and explained the arrangements we made. Through a tear-clogged voice, he said he was all alone now as he knew none of us would be there for him. Manipulation was their way of life, and that won’t stop because she’s gone.

That’s why, when the priest asks if anyone would like to share a few words about her, the three of us stiffen and look at each other with trepidation. Then, footsteps tap on the cemetery grass, and I’m stunned as Mateo stands in front of us, in between her photo and the coffin.

He clears his throat. “Ms. Marilyn was a caring person. She was the first one outside my circle to call me when my mother died. She was supportive and always in my corner. Somehow, she understood that my mistakes didn’t define me as a person. And when I called her, she always had kind and encouraging words. On a trip a few months ago, she told me she saw a little of herself in me. Someone who, despite my best intentions, never knew how to make the right decision.” He shrugs. “She told me there was a chance for redemption for everyone, and she wanted me to be happy. She wanted her kids to be happy. Whatever her mistakes, she loved the three of you. Ms. Marilyn was a complicated lady, and I hope, in death, she finds the peace she never had in life.”

The knot in my throat tightens as does Chase’s hand on mine. When I look up, there are tears in my brother’s eyes, sparking some of my own. When the service is finished, we say goodbye to the rest of the family, and everyone leaves but us.

We hold hands as they lower her into the ground. I didn’t want to leave her alone at that moment.

“Thank you for staying here with me,” I say, fighting the lump in my throat.

“This may no longer mean anything to her, but it meant something to you.” Cam’s hand tightens around mine. “Her best gift to me was the two of you.”

I nod and lean my head against him. “I know it’s just a ritual.”

Chase clears his throat. “Who are you kidding? She’s loving this wherever she is. The three of us with our attention fully on her. She’s smiling.”

And there’s even a touch of warmth in his voice. When I look up, he’s staring at the lowered casket. I throw my arms around him, and Cam hugs us both.

We throw the first clumps of dirt into the ditch, and thirty minutes later, we are sitting in a limo, side by side, on our way to Cam’s brownstone.

“The jet is ready to take us home this evening,” Cam says in the car.

Both Chase and I nod.

“Lux, Lauren and I want you to come home with us,” Chase says.

I smile but shake my head. “I want to be alone.”

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