Page 139 of The Spring in My Heart

“I had a chance to talk to Ayla, and we cleared the air. You were right about her having the right to see her mom and maybe not feeling like she could come to me. We are working through it, and she can see her mom—with supervision, of course.”

She smiles. “I’m happy to hear that. I never want the two of you to be at odds. You make a great team.”

I nod. “We are. Because of my complicated history with her mother, I let that blind me, and I reacted too harshly with Ayla…and with you.”

The smile slides off her face, and she picks up the pace again. I put a hand on her arm to stop her. She stares at it until I drop it.

“Look, Lux. I’ve had some time to reflect on the past few days and our conversation. I don’t think it’s right that you kept the situation from me, but I should have handled the conversation better. I shouldn’t have broken up with you the way I did. You were thinking of Ayla, and I should have seen that.”

She sighs, her shoulders dipping a little. “You’re right. I was giving Ayla the chance, but in truth, I should have given you a heads up and confided in you. It would have made things easier for A. I hated that I could have prevented her pain and yours. I apologize for that again.”

I take a step closer to her. “Thank you. I’m glad you see it that way. I apologize for how I handled things and letting my pain talk for me.”

We are walking in silence again. Her phone pings. She looks at it and hits the ignore button. I catch Mateo’s name on the screen. He’s still trying to sneak his way in, and that’s my fault.

“You can answer if you want. I already said what I came to say.”

She shifts her gaze briefly to me. “I don’t need to answer.”

“I saw your video interview yesterday.” Now why did I say that? “Not the best subject, but you did a great job.”

“Thanks. Not my favorite either. I’m tired of playing the same record.”

“You looked like you were having a good time at the gala.”

She stops to face me. “Are you accusing me of something?”

“No.”

“Then why are we talking about this? It would be my right to do whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted, because you broke up with me.”

I hold up my hands. “It would have been. You’re a hundred percent correct. I’m happy you’re not.”

Her eyebrows knit together. “Why?”

My hand finds hers. “Because I want to ask you if you’d be willing to give us a chance again. I love you, Lux. I want to be with you.”

She blinks a few times, and her eyes well. She pulls her hand from mine and presses it to her chest. “All the time you were wrestling with keeping things from Ayla because you didn’t trust me not to hurt her, I couldn’t understand you and your motives.”

“But now you can?” I ask. Hope wells from deep in my heart. She understands. She gets it. There’s a chance.

She nods. “Yes, because it’s an instinct to protect the most vulnerable part of us, especially when we’ve been hurt so bad.”

There’s a jab at my side because I caused the pain that flares over her eyes. I reach for her, but the pain is gone as quickly as she takes a step back.

“You threw us away without a second thought. You made the choice to walk away and blame me for everything. And I get it, I fucked up, but I deserved a conversation. So, now it’s me. I’m the one who can’t trust you not to hurt me when something goes wrong.”

“Lux—”

“I spent years waiting for a man to get it together and be faithful. I waited months for you to see me as someone worthy of officially introducing to your daughter. Then, one mistake, and suddenly, I’m not mature or suitable. I learned from being with Mateo that when something is potentially not good, I need to let it die. Because when I continue to give it chance after chance, it will only grow ugly and more hurtful. And I don’t want that for us. Or Ayla.”

The knot in my throat grows. I fucked up, and she’s not going to forgive me.

“I understand.” I begin to turn, but her hand on my elbow stops me. Her touch sears my already burning skin.

She’s staring at me with clear eyes, like her words didn’t slice my flesh open. “I love Ay so much it hurts, and I want to stay in her life. I don’t want to be someone else who walks away from her. Can you please let me be there for her?”

The pain that twists my chest is threatening to bend me. This is the worst moment. She’s doing what I always dreamed of. She’s loving my baby girl and putting her first like I would, but she doesn’t want me as part of the equation.

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