Page 83 of Guarded from Havoc

I even talked to Erik last night, once he got to the hotel in Boise, and he reassured me he was unhurt. That he’d be home today to show me in person. That I had nothing to worry about.

He texted me this morning before hopping on the flight home, for Pete’s sake.

At this very moment, Erik and the rest of his team should be landing in San Antonio. Soon they’ll walk through the front door.

If that’s the case, why am I still so worried?

Is it residual anxiety from yesterday; the hours of waiting with my heart in my throat, both desperate and terrified to hear any news? Jumping at the slightest sound, half-convinced anytime a phone rang that it was one of the team members calling to report the worst?

Is it the lingering exhaustion from a sleepless night, after spending hours staring into the darkness and missing Erik so badly it physically hurt?

Or is it because of the fearful voice in my head reminding me all the ways things could go wrong?

Maybe Erik really is hurt, and he just didn’t want to scare me.

Maybe the man they captured really wasn’t working alone, like he claimed, and there’s still an accomplice coming after the team. Tracking them. Perhaps even lurking near the airport, armed with a long-range rifle, waiting for the perfect time to pick them off one by one.

Logic tells me I’m being ridiculous. That everything is exactly as Xavier told us. The team is coming home, safe and sound, and the case is well on its way to being resolved.

Iwantto believe him. But there’s this niggling fear snaking through me, a terrifying reminder that danger can come when you least expect it. Just like it did at Erik’s cabin in the Adirondacks. Or on the island, with all the hidden traps. When one misstep could mean the difference between life and death.

No matter how many times Xavier says everything is fine, until Erik is back, I won’t feel okay.

“Tatum.” I jolt as Lucy touches my hand, my heart leaping into the stratosphere. She immediately makes an apologetic face and says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

I take a steadying breath and force a smile. “You didn’t. It’s fine.”

She looks skeptical, and I can’t really blame her. But rather than call me on it, her eyes fill with understanding. “I remember the first time Xavier had to leave for a case. Not just a regular security job, but one where they might be in danger. It was a stalking situation, and the suspect was an extremist with moreguns than an armory. I was terrified, even knowing how skilled Xavier was.”

Pausing, she glances over at Jade and Sarah, who are sitting on the couch adjacent to us. Sarah is petting Rambo, scratching him between his ears while his tail wags so fast it’s a blur. And Jade is holding Declan while he sleeps, her love for him a visible thing.

“These two,” Lucy adds, gesturing at her friends, “kept telling me I had nothing to worry about. That the guys were trained and the suspect was no match for them. I knew they were right, but I still couldn’t stop worrying. Not until Xavier came home and I could see he was safe for myself.”

Jade looks up from Declan and smiles. “I felt the same way when Niall went out of town for the first time after everything happened. I was a total wreck. Poor Erik was the one staying back at HQ that time and he kept trying to help by suggesting yoga or helping out in the garden.” She laughs. “The yoga was okay. The gardening? Not so much.”

“I like working in the garden,” I reply a touch defensively. “It’s amazing what Erik’s done with it. His vegetables are better than any I’ve seen in the grocery store. And the flowers are gorgeous.”

“They are,” Jade agrees. “And I’m so thankful Erik does all that. It’s just not for me. But…”

“But he doesn’t need any of us to help him in the garden,” Sarah adds. “He has you.” Her expression softens. “And trust me, Erik would much rather have you out there with him than any of us.”

From the armchair to my left, Isla readjusts Dove in her arms. “It happened to all of us,” she says. “First time Matt had to leave for an overnight job, I was beside myself. And he wasn’t even doing anything dangerous—just working a regular event inDallas. But there I was, alone with Dove in the apartment, crying because I was convinced Matt wasn’t coming home.”

“Well,” Jade replies, “it didn’t help that you had given birth only a month before. So you still had all those hormones raging through you. But I seem to recall all of us having a movie night once you admitted how upset you were. That helped, didn’t it?”

“It did,” Isla agrees. “I was so determined at first to prove I could handle it myself.” She pauses to look at me. “Not that I’m sayingyouare, Tatum. I’m just thinking about how it was when I went through that first separation.”

I cast a glance around at the four women surrounding me. Though I haven’t known them long, they’ve already begun to feel like close friends. So I find myself admitting, “Iamscared. I have been ever since I knew Erik was going into the game again. And I know he wasn’t technically part of it, not like last time, but just thinking about him even being close to those traps…”

Trailing off, I blink back threatening tears. I swallow hard against the lump growing in my throat. “Iknowthese guys are good. I knowErikis. But no matter how many times I tell myself that, my mind keeps wandering back to the scary places. To the?—”

Fudge. Do I really want to tell my new friends the details of just how much danger their partners were in?

Shifting gears, I confess another worry that’s been haunting me. “I feel… like maybe I don’t have a right to be this worried. Because I haven’t known Erik that long. You guys… you’re married. It’s expected that you’d worry. But me…”

Those stupid tears well up, dangerously close to overflowing.

Sarah nudges Rambo, and a few seconds later, he’s at my legs, pushing his nose at my hand. It’s impossible to ignore his big, pleading puppy-dog eyes, so I obligingly rub his fuzzy snout.

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