Page 45 of Guarded from Havoc

“Why did I have a feeling I’d find you out here?” Niall enters the living room from the opposite hallway, his expression brightening as soon as he sees Jade and Declan. He comes over to kiss his wife, then brushes his hand lightly across Declan’s head. Affection softens his gaze as he looks at them.

Unexpectedly, a pang of longing hits me. Not for what Niall has, specifically—I love Jade like a sister, but never had an inkling of romantic feelings towards her. It’s the same with Sarah, Lucy, and Isla. I think of them as family and I’d do anything for them, but that’s as far as it goes.

I always thought I was fine being single. It was enough to head into San Antonio to hook up with a woman for the night, knowing there were no expectations of it going any further. Being a brother to my teammates and their partners, uncle to their babies—it seemed like enough.

It seemed safer that way.

But now?

With Tatum standing so close I can feel her? Smell her soft fragrance? See the glints of gold in her hair and the specks of silver and green in her eyes? Feel her hand fitting so perfectly into mine?

A part of me that I thought was long dead springs to life. A wishful part. A part that makes me wonderwhat if.

“How are you feeling, Tatum?” Niall asks as he turns to Tate. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to this meeting today? If you’re not, we can push it ‘til tomorrow. Or whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m okay,” she replies. “Erik asked me the same thing. But I know how important it is for you to get as much information as possible. So you can stop this—” Pausing, she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I just know it’s important. So if that means I have to talk about some things I’d rather not think about, I’m more than willing to do it.”

Approval flares in Niall’s eyes. A beat later, they dip to where Tatum and my hands are still joined. A corner of his mouth quirks, and I don’t have to be a mind reader to know what he’s thinking.

But he’s wrong. I’m not going to fall in love with the woman I’m helping to protect, like Dante, Niall, and Matt did. Or in Xavier’s case, realize just how deeply he loved Lucy, since they were already dating when she ended up in danger.

No. Any feelings I have for Tatum are undoubtedly from the extreme circumstances we found ourselves in. And of course I want to make sure she’s okay. Do whatever I can to comfort her. How could I not after what we’ve been through together?

“Well, we really appreciate it.” Niall glances at me and lifts his chin. “So. Are we ready to do this? Matt’s already in the conference room, and Cruz is joining the meeting through video.”

I give a quick, questioning look at Tatum. Before I can ask, she gives a jerky nod. “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

After a quick round ofgoodbyesandsee you laters, we make our way down the hallway that leads to the business side of the ranch—offices, conference rooms, secure weapons storage, and a second panic room that connects to the one in the basement—while I give Tate a better idea of what to expect. “So,” I tell her, “It’s just going to be me, Niall, and Matt today. Rather than theentire team. Dante’s still in Maine, as you know. And we thought it might be a little less intimidating if you didn’t have five people sitting around a table staring at you.”

“Don’t forget Cruz,” Niall adds. He glances back over his shoulder. “Although he won’t technically be sitting at the table. He’ll just be a face on the projection screen.”

Tatum frowns in confusion. “Who is Cruz? I thought there were just the six of you.”

“Cruz is a friend of ours who works for the local FBI office,” I reply. “He’s kind of our unofficial liaison, so to speak. We’re on good terms with the local law enforcement—the San Antonio PD, FBI, Texas Rangers… They help us out when they can, and we do the same.”

“They know we can do things they’re not allowed to,” Niall adds. “Not that what we do is illegal—” He pauses before amending, “Well. Nothing serious, at least. A little ethical hacking, some lock picking when necessary…”

“Lock picking?” Tatum asks.

“Only when we have no other choice,” I explain. “For example, when Sarah was kidnapped?—”

Tatum sucks in a shocked breath. “Sarah waskidnapped?”

I nod. “Unfortunately, we’ve had more than our fair share of kidnapping among us. But everyone’s ended up just fine.”

Mostly. Except for the lingering aftereffects—emotional ones—many of my friends struggle with. Like Lucy giving up her job at the bookstore because she couldn’t handle being around that many strangers anymore. Or Niall’s fierce protectiveness when it comes to Jade after nearly losing her.

But I’m definitely not going intothatright now.

“Anyway,” I continue, “we got to Sarah before the police could. And we picked the lock at the house she was being held in, so we could get inside without her captor knowing.”

“Oh.” Tatum nods. “Well. That makes sense. So it’s not really bad. If I were being held—” Her mouth snaps shut. What little color she has in her cheeks fades.

Guilt hits me all over again. Not just a hammer swinging, but a full-on tank crashing into me.

Will her life be forever tainted by what happened? Will it hit her at the most unexpected times, triggered by a casual conversation or an article online? Will Tate be afraid to go hiking anymore? Afraid to even venture back into the woods?

I can tell myself it might not be so. That Tate is strong enough to overcome the memories. But deep down, I know it’s a lie. Because I thoughtIwas strong. And nearly five years after, I still haven’t managed to get back to who I used to be.

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