Page 10 of Capturing Perfection

"Okay. I'm better. Now that Logan has the hearing aids, and we learned about those captioning apps, it's made a world of difference. We're actually communicating at home."

"That's great, but it's not like the stress and anxiety you've lived with over the last several months just evaporates. You've been so focused on Logan and his needs—" Clay opened his mouth and Tim held up his hand. "I'm not saying you shouldn't have been. He's needed you, but you have needs too. And if you continue to ignore them or push them down far enough, eventually they're going to spring up like a jack-in-the-box and explode all over your life. Don't make yourself collateral damage."

Clay understood what Tim was saying. He wasn't unaware of his elevated blood pressure or insomnia issues, but compared to Logan's daily struggles to survive that they seemed inconsequential.

"Have I let it affect my performance? Do you still trust me to have your back?"

Tim crossed his arms and frowned. "Here I was saying we needed two of you, but with questions like that, I now wonder if I need to tell the lieutenant I have questions about your intelligence."

Clay rolled his eyes.

"You know if you do that often enough, they'll get stuck to the back of you head."

"Pretty sure that's not true."

"Pretty sure you're a dumbass. Clay, you put in more hours and have cleared more cases than any other detective with the same time in grade. And do I trust you to have my back? Really asshole?"

Clay held up his hands. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. My inner bitch escaped for a minute. I'll get her under control."

Tim shrugged. "Eh, she is fun to go drinking with. Speaking of drinks, would you and Logan like to get together with me and Sam?"

"I don't know…"

"Not at a bar or loud place. I was thinking about just cocktails and dinner at our place. It's important for those with PTSD to avoid slipping into isolated behaviors. Logan needs a support network of more than one."

"Let's see how things go with his therapy and we'll talk about it." Clay looked at his watch. "Speaking of which, I need to go pick up dinner and get home."

"Okay. I hope it went well, but call me if you need someone to talk to tonight. I mean it."

Clay stood and gave Tim a back slapping hug. "I know you do, and I appreciate it."

"You're more than my partner, Clay. Sam and I … we consider you part of the family."

It wasn't long after they'd started working together that Clay confessed his experience growing up in the foster system to Tim. Since then, Tim and his wife had made a concerted effort to enfold Clay into their inner circle. The pair didn't have kids, so they dedicated their time to their dogs and experiencing all life offered. That somehow included adopting Clay.

"I know, and thank you. Truly."

Tim nodded. "Now, go home to your man."

Clay exited the station and the noise of the city faded as he walked toward the parking lot; it wasn't until parked cars surrounded him that the weight of Tim's words about Logan hit him. His man? Did he think Clay and Logan were a couple? Had Clay's secret feelings for Logan unintentionally leaked through in his words, giving the impression that something more was there? He knew he would need to watch his words carefully from that point on, mindful of the subtle nuances and potentialconsequences of every utterance. He didn't want anyone to think he and Logan were anything more than friends; the mere suggestion sent a shiver of panic down his spine. Especially if he and Logan did more together outside the apartment.

An hour later, Clay balanced the bag of take away in one hand and, in the other, a six-pack of long necks while slipping his key into the lock of their apartment door. The door swung open, and there stood Logan with a small grin on his face.

"Uh, hi. I brought dinner fromLincoln Tavern."

Logan took the bag of food and carried it to the kitchen. "This smells amazing." He turned on the iPad and opened the transcription app. "What did you get me?"

"The wood grilled bar steak. I got the lobster fettuccine. That way we have surf and turf."

"Can we split it up?"

They used to do that all the time in college. Clay would order one thing off a menu and Logan another, then the two of them would eat off each other's plates. Of course, back then they dined either in the cafeteria or off a fast food dollar menu.

Clay smiled. "Yeah. Help yourself."

Logan looked calm, but Clay saw the stress of the session lingering in his eyes. They dished up the food and Clay grabbed two beers. He held one up to Logan.

Logan took the beer. “Thanks. I'm starving and thirsty. I guess talking is more strenuous than I expected.”

---