Page 44 of Capturing Perfection

“Love—”

God, his throat hurt, and his voice was scratchy. Logan placed an ice chip to his lips, and he opened his mouth. The cool moisture was heavenly and went a long way to soothing the burn. Something splashed on his cheek. He opened his eyes to see Logan crying. Logan had shed a lot of tears since he’d started therapy, but there was something different about the ones currently tracking down his handsome face.

“I’m okay, honey.” He had no idea if that was true, but he couldn’t have Logan crying over him. His love had suffered enough, and Clay would not add to the demons haunting Logan’s soul.

Logan nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. When I saw you get shot, it happened all over again.”

Wait a minute! When Logan saw me get shot?

“Saw?”

Logan’s head rested in the crook of Clay’s neck, and Clay felt him nod.

Logan fumbled with the switch to raise the bed, then picked up Clay’s hand resting on the bed. “Trevor and I watched the whole thing on monitors in the lab. He hacked into the security cameras inside the building. When I saw you come through the door behind the gunman, my heart crashed to a halt. I swear to God, I’d never been so scared—even in the midst of the worst fire fight I could remember. Then I saw the flash of his gun, the blood spray from your chest, and I knew it was happening all over again.”

"Brian."

Logan nodded. "There was a palpable tension in the air that day. An absolute silence around us, and it made me twitchy."

"I know the feeling." Clay said. "When I was still on patrol there were times or situations when we'd be confronting a suspect and you just knew it was going to go wrong."

"Naturally, my instincts started screaming. I lifted my gun. Brian asked what was wrong. Right before I turned to tell him something was up, I saw a reflection on the hill in front of me. The next thing I knew, he had a hole in the center of his forehead and all hell broke loose.” Logan took a deep breath and looked deep into Clay’s gray eyes. "I kneeled in the dirt and cradling my lover’s dead body while chaos reigned around us. The explosion that caused my injury happened while I was trying to carry him back to where the rest of our squad was hunkered down.” Logan swiped at his damp cheeks. “When I saw you go down, it was like it was happening all over again. I went into a flashback, but instead of Adams in my arms, it was you.”

Clay squeezed Logan’s hand. “Baby, I'm so sorry. Do you need to call Matt?”

Logan shook his head. "He was here. Well there … at the station when I had the flashback. Then he was here. Oh, and he met Trevor." Logan smiled. "I think I saw sparks."

"That's a lot of words and my brain isn't online yet. But promise you'll call him if there is a need?"

Clay's chest ached for a whole other reason, listening to Logan describe his friend's last moments. Logan had always been dismissive about his and Brian's intimate relationship, but Clay knew the man had been important, and his death hit Logan hard. He hated the fact that Logan saw him get hurt. He hated even more that watching the video feed forced Logan into a flashback after the traumatic visions had hibernated for months.

Clay hadn't pushed Logan, but maybe the time had come to reach out to the remaining members of his squad. Maybe by talking with his former teammates, Logan could find closure in their shared grief. Logan was Clay’s entire world, and he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to witness an assault on the man he loved. All things considered, it was surprising that Logan hadn’t regressed to the shell of man Clay had brought home. He would have to thank Matt for teaching Logan the skills he needed to withdraw from the terror inducing visions that could command him at the drop of a hat.

"Clay?"

He slowly opened his eyes. "I'm okay. Just resting my eyes."

Logan leaned over the rail of the bed and kissed Clay. "I love you. I was thinking … maybe it's time to call up my old squad. Maybe they'll want to see me, maybe they won't. But, I think I have to try."

"Great idea, baby. We'll do that right after I take a nap."

Clay closed his eyes and smiled.

Logan stepped outside the hospital and pulled out his cell phone. Clay had said they would call his former teammates together, and Logan loved how supportive Clay wanted to be, but this was something he had to do on his own.

He'd never deleted the old group chat, but he'd avoided looking at the old texts since the day of the attack. He pulled it up and scrolled through messages that were now almost two years old. It seemed so long ago, and yet just like yesterday at the same time.

Red Ranger: Head's up. Brief 0500.

Blue Ranger: 0500. That' a war crime.

Yellow Ranger: You literally signed up for war, Dipshit.

Blue Ranger: Yeah but like … not against my alarm clock.

Green Ranger: I’ll be there. Coffee in one hand, regret in the other.

Yellow Ranger: Make it two coffees. And bring donuts. The good kind.

---