Page 29 of Chaos Claimed

It felt like he was floating aimlessly, adrift in a world that no longer made any sense to him. How could he tell Santiago he loved him if Percy didn’t even feel grounded most of the time?

He shoved off the counter, pacing the length of the kitchen. The words bubbled up, pressing against his lips, begging for release. He parted his mouth, sucked in a breath, then snapped it shut again.

Still munching on grapes, Elijah watched him with a puzzled frown. “Dude, just spill it. Whatever it is, it’s clearly eating you up inside.”

Percy raked a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands. “I...I think I love him, Elijah. Like, really love him. But…everything still feels so messed up inside me.”

Eyes wide, Elijah set the grapes aside and moved closer, grasping Percy’s shoulders. “Whoa, okay. Take a breath.” He waited until Percy inhaled shakily. “That’s huge, man. Huge. But you gotta go at your own pace here. There’s no rush.”

“It’s just... I feel so lost, Elijah. Like I don’t even know who I am anymore or how to navigate my own life.” He pinned Elijah with his gaze. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if I’m moving too fast?” He threw his hands up. “I don’t know if I’m even ready for that kind of commitment.”

“Too late for that,” Elijah muttered before tossing a grape into his mouth. “Look, Percy, that man is head over heels for you. A blind person could see it from a mile away.” He gave Percy a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

The little pep talk hadn’t helped. Percy had been checking in with someone who knew the pre-trauma version of him, hoping that version wasn’t gone forever. But Elijah, as helpful as he tried to be, left Percy feeling even more lost than before.

Sometimes comfort didn’t fix the broken bits. It just poked at them.

“Thanks,” Percy said, feeling compelled to say something.

“Anytime.” They headed back out to the living room, where Santiago and Matias were engaged in quiet conversation. Santiago’s eyes immediately found Percy’s, a flicker of concern in their hazel depths. Percy offered him a small, reassuring smile. He wasn’t okay, not by a long shot.

Santiago crossed to him, slipping an arm around his waist and tugging him close. He pressed a kiss to Percy’s temple. “Everything all right, cariño?”

“Ask me that one more time and I’ll give you a flea bath.” He pulled from Santiago’s arms and headed toward the door. “I’m going home. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Before anyone could say a word, Percy was out the door, down the porch steps, and was sprinting across his front lawn. Maybe he would wake up with some answers, because right now, he was as lost as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles.

* * * *

Yawning deeply and holding a cup of coffee, Percy carefully pushed open the screen door, comforted by the familiar creak.

He was determined not to think about the scene he’d walked in on last night. The same scene he’d walked by just now. Suero dozing upright on his couch and Percy’s mom resting her head on the guy’s lap.

Shoving the thought aside, he wondered how he was even awake after just two hours of sleep. He glanced up at the sky as he stood by the steps, feeling at peace. The sun was just beginning to rise, painting vibrant colors across the dense storm clouds.

As Percy took his first sip, he stiffened.

“Morning.”

Santiago lounged on the porch swing, one arm draped casually over the backrest. He wondered if the guy had slept at all or had been sitting there since Percy hurriedly left his house earlier that morning.

“Not letting me run, huh?” He sipped his coffee, feeling both conflicted and reassured by Santiago’s presence.

“Is that what you really want, Percy, to run?” Santiago leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, causing the swing to creak under his massive weight.

Percy pressed his lips together, watching a blue jay hop around the grass in his front yard. He glanced down at the latte-colored coffee in his cup. “I don’t know what I want anymore, Santiago,” he admitted, shaking his head slowly. “Actually, I take that back. I just want to be the person I once was.”

Santiago patted the spot beside him. Without hesitation, Percy sat down, tucking his legs beneath him.

“You’ll never be that person again, cariño.” He raised a finger as Percy began to speak. “You’re still you, just a different version of yourself.”

“What if I don’t want the upgrade?” Percy asked.

Santiago’s expression softened. “You need to find a way to blend the two, to discover who this new Percy is and what he wants from life.”

“You,” he blurted out before he realized it. Once again, he studied his coffee, hating how lost he felt. Two hours of sleep hadn’t helped, especially when all he’d done was toss and turn.

Santiago’s hand, resting on the back of the swing, toyed with the ends of Percy’s hair. “As much as I love hearing you say that, what do you want, hon?”

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