“They’re notzero,” she cut in. “And it’s not just that you applied. It’s that you didn’ttellme. Every time we were together, you were lying to me.”
“Because Icaredabout you by then. I didn’t want it to come between us. And I truly didn’t think itwould.”
“Last night—” She hugged herself. “Youcomfortedme, all the while knowing—”
“I didn’t know then, Tansy. I assumed I got the same email you did. I found out this morning.”
Tansy gripped the edge of the table behind her so hard her knuckles popped. She didn’t understand howanyof this had happened, how she had gone from feeling so safe and cared for, so full of desire just last night, to being eaten alive by anger.
He came closer, and she closed her eyes, realizing if she tried to bolt now, he already had her well within his long reach and wouldn’t let her slip past. “If I could give you our spot, I would.”
“That’s a nice thing to say when you know it’s not actually possible.”
He blew out a frustrated sigh. “Tansy, please. I can’t undo this. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a good thing for you.”
She looked at him, curious how he could possibly spin this as good for her.
“Our expansion budget is getting cannibalized to cover the flood mitigation, which is why we needed this grant in the first place, but that work will drastically reduce the flood risk to your building. It makes your case stronger for renovating.”
It reduced the threat of flooding from the creek, but not the more common flash flooding that had caused last year’s damage.
Rashida’s tough love echoed in her head. They were never going to renovate. Nothing was going to change their minds.
“But it doesn’t put a cent toward renovation,” she said. “And now there’s roof damage.”
“Okay.” She saw his mind scrambling behind those warm hazel eyes. “So first, we secure your space here. We convince your administration to keep funding you for now, just to keep you going. And then, when the commissioner unfreezes my budget, I get the staff cottage back in order, and you guys move there. Or into our office building once the expansion is underway and we move our offices to the new property.”
The cottage was the building she’d originally hoped for, and after making the tiny shed work all this time, it would feel like peeling off SPANX at the end of a long night. They could triple their circulation collection there. They could even bring in a couple computers for patrons to use, a photocopier…
“For how long?”
He shook his head dumbly. “For as long as it takes. As long as I’m here, I can keep you guys here.”
Jack finally reached for her, squeezing her upper arm. She didn’t shake him off, but she didn’t ease into his embrace either, which seemed to throw him. He just stood there, looking at his hand on her, like he’d fully expected his touch to break through this unbearable wall between them.
And oddly enough, it was that surprise on his face thatdidsoften her toward him, that finally made her want to fold forward into his broad chest and strong arms, just like she’d done last night. As hurt as she was over the grant and his secrecy about it, she alsoknewhim. None of this was the deliberate attack it felt like.
But knowing that and making her body let down its guard were two different things.
“The problem is,” she said slowly, carefully, “that leaves us entirely in your hands.”
“You’re safe in my hands, Tansy. You know you are.” He pulled her in and tucked her head under his chin. She didn’t fight it because, regardless of the massive ravine cracking open between them, something in her still wanted him. He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll fight whoever I have to to keep you here.”
She waited until she felt the tension leave his muscles before she extracted herself from his arms.
He smiled down at her and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s gonna be okay,” he promised.
Tansy returned his smile weakly. “Because you’re going to save me.”
His eyebrows drew together. He studied her face.
“You’re going to save me. And we’ll be allowed to stay here as long as things between you and me are okay, or until the commissioner places some new outrageous condition on your expansion, or until another tree falls on a goddamn building in this place, and—”
“No,” he said firmly. “It’s not like that. Look, I know my word is shit right now, but everything I’ve done since our truce, everything we’ve built together here must count for something. I should have come clean about the grant, but it was a single lapse in judgment among a hundred other ways I’ve put our partnership first.”
“When it benefitted the gardens, too.”
His nostrils flared and his jaw flexed, hurt darkening his eyes. “That’s really how you see me? Still?”