Page 97 of Take Me Home

“What am I not getting?”

“That I fucked up. Things can never go back to how they were. I didn’t want this.”

“You’re right, they can’t. They have to change. But I’m telling you, it’s going to be for the better. When you took off, he wasn’t angry or annoyed or whatever. He was concerned. He wanted to understand.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When you went to the bathroom. He had no idea what he’d done wrong. I mean, Christ, Hazel. He didn’t know about Justin. He thinks if he tries even a little, he’ll smother you. He’s not just on a different page than you. He’s in a completely different fucking book.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him he needed to talk to you.” Ash groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “And I said what anyone with a shred of sense would have known after two minutes around you, that he should see this incredible person right in front of him, visit you, call you.”

Her eyes went wide. “Whywould you tell him that?”

“I was trying to—” He tried to stroke her arm again, but she pulled it away. “Look, I know it wasn’t my place. I know I shouldn’t have said anything, and I’m sorry. But, Hazel, him not knowing how you feel about anything doesn’t protect you. It only hurts you. And I really hate seeing you hurt.”

“That’s funny,” Hazel said without a shred of humor and pushed herself off the bed. “Nothing hurt until I came here. Until you started digging around in my business.”

It felt at once not quite true and the absolute truest thing she’d ever said.Hewas the one who’d been so incensed by her exclusion at the dinner last night, who just couldn’t let it go. She’d given in to her hurt feelings afterhe’dstoked them. Not to mention all their other conversations this week, his badgering questions, how openlynot righthe judged her relationship with her dad to be. And now he’d gone and compounded her outburst, revealed more that she wouldn’t be able to claw back.

She gathered last night’s clothes from the floor and dropped them next to her bag, which she unzipped so hard, the teeth caught the canvas. She had to yank it several times before itgave. Then, she pulled out jeans, a sweater, and jammed her legs into the pants.

At this, Ash rose from the bed. “What are you doing?”

“Getting dressed.”

“I see that. Why are you doing it right now?”

“Because I don’t want to have this conversation naked.”

“Can you just—”

“What?”

“Slow down and talk to me.”

A bitter laugh scraped out of her. “Maybe I don’t want to talk. Maybe talking is the whole fucking problem.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” he said quietly.

“Well, you don’t know everything,” she snapped. “Maybe you’re one of those people everything just works out for. Maybe you can count on people wanting you around, even after you fuck up. But people aren’t falling all over themselves to be with me.”

He pressed a palm to his chest. “Iam.”

“Well, you shouldn’t!” She felt wild. The clawing in her chest was back, and she rubbed the spot, felt her heart pounding back. “God, you shouldn’t have to work so hard for something that isn’t going to last anyway. Everything eventually falls apart. Everything. The only difference is whether you know that and accept it, or you let yourself hope it’ll be different this time.”

Ash shook his head, letting it hang. “Don’t do this,” he said. The resignation in his voice stopped her short. He didn’t mean just to stop spinning out, to stop talking herself out of a reasonable outlook on her relationship with her dad. He was two steps ahead, even of her own self-awareness. And now she was catching up. He was resigned because she was talking herself out of a reasonable outlook on her relationship withhim.

The realization sank in her stomach. She didn’t want to dothis. She wasn’t ready to do this. But it was always going to happen.

“If I don’t do it, it’s not like you will. You’ll keep driving the same shitty car until it dies, stay friends with a guy you don’t even like.”

His face was strained when he looked up. “So, this is a favor? Is that it? You think you’re saving me from some future pain by ending it now? Because you’re too goddamned late, Hazel. If you leave now, you will fucking break my—”

He stopped himself short as she looked away. Hazel’s rib cage was too tight. She couldn’t get a full breath. Her eyes stung and blurred, so she stooped to zip up her boots, anything to not have to look at him.

His voice was thick when he continued. “Won’t it hurt you, too?”

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