Page 150 of Terror at the Gates

The answer was most likely yes. I felt a mix of overwhelming gratitude and guilt. I loved Coco, and I didn’t deserve her one bit.

After pulling on a pair of jeans and a tank top, I went through the backpack she had also brought, but it only contained my journal, a small bag of cat food, and a bottle of water.

I half expected to find my dagger inside, since it had a proven habit of manifesting wherever I went, but it wasn’t among any of the items Coco had brought. I wondered if Zahariev would take me to get it later when he returned. It was probably safer here anyway, and I’d rather have it close, given what it was and who wanted it.

I left the bedroom, entering a long hall with dark walls and dim lights, interrupted only by colorful pieces of fine art. It led into a lavishly decorated foyer that Zahariev would clear out or rearrange for parties. Several rooms branched off from the space, including a library, a parlor, and a family room.

It was there I found Coco and Gabriel. They were sitting on opposite ends of a large sectional. Gabriel was bent awkwardlyto the side, head resting on his arms. An unexpected wave of emotion hit me as I observed it to be the same position I’d found Esther in the night Burke and Koval attacked me.

It was a strange thing to get emotional about, but it was a chain reaction. When I was reminded of her, I was also reminded of her absence.

“Good morning, Miss Leviathan.”

I jumped at the unexpected voice and whirled to find Fawna standing at a respectful distance. She wore a navy dress that had buttons down the front and a sash tied at the waist.

“Apologies,” she added. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine,” I said.

“I came to see if Miss D’Arsay or Mr. De Santis needed anything,” she explained. “Can I get you something? Coffee, perhaps?”

“Coffee would be great,” I said. “Thank you, Fawna.”

She smiled. It wasn’t sincere or fake. It was just polite acknowledgment.

“I’ll return shortly. Please, make yourself at home,” she insisted.

That saying had a range, and I got the sense Fawna didn’t mean it in the same way Esther meant it, which was fine. I just wouldn’t put my feet on the couch or throw pillows on the floor.

I wasn’t sure I could get that comfortable here anyway, even in a space that belonged to Zahariev. In truth, the house didn’t feel like him, but I don’t think he spent much time in other areas outside his office or bedroom.

Coco must have heard my exchange with Fawna, because when I turned back to the family room, she was on her feet, waiting and watching.

We crossed to each other and met in the middle.

“Lilith,” she said, pulling me into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.”

I hugged her back, wishing her words hadn’t brought tears to my eyes. I was tired of crying, but I guessed this was going to be my new normal for a little while.

We continued to hold on to each other, even as we pulled away.

“What can I do?” she asked.

“Coco, you have done enough already,” I said. “I should be asking how I can repay you.”

“There is nothing to repay,” she said. “I only want you safe, though that’s turning out to be a difficult ask.”

My laugh was a breathless exhale. She wasn’t wrong. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat.

“I’m sorry I brought this on you,” I said.

“You didn’t bring anything on me,” she said. “You can’t help your name, Lily.”

“But I knew the consequences of my name, and I have been in denial for a long time.”

“I think you’ve just been hopeful,” she said. “And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

But that was exactly where I had gone wrong. I had hope in a world that punished me simply for existing, yet I’d been under the delusion I could somehow escape the consequences.

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