Page 68 of Waiting for Redemption

No one knowswhohe is.

No one knowswhyI disappeared with Hendrix to get away from him.

And here I am. Getting my nails painted with my best friend, prepping for myweddingto my situationship turned future husband, as if everything is completely normal. All while being in a constant state of fear over losing Hendrix if this doesn’t work out as planned.

I think I’m gonna throw up.

“So,” Lauren says, abruptly interrupting my thoughts. “Are you awhite on your wedding daykind of girl?”

“Lauren. Stop.” I tilt my head giving her an annoyed look.

“What?” She feigns innocence.

“It’s notreal,” I whisper, catching an eye roll from her.

“Can we just pretend for like five minutes that it is? I want to know what your dream dress looks like. What flowers are you carrying?Whereare you getting married? Tell me the vision, because I know you have one,” she insists, throwing my thoughts into high speed. And once the vision appears, it’s hard to hold back from telling her what it is. So I cave.

“Yes. I’m awhite on my wedding daykind of girl.” I roll my eyes back at her. “There’s this dress I saw online once and I’ve loved it ever since. It’s completely silk, floor length, of course, with a slit up the thigh, and the sleeves kind of hang off your shoulders because the bodice is tight enough to hold it up. Oh, and a sweetheart neckline that makes the girls look good,” I admit, feeling a bit embarrassed that I actuallyhavethought about it, and never even realized how much. We both laugh when she realizes how into this I am.

“Keep going,” she encourages. I roll my eyes again, sighing as I continue.

“Black roses with African lilies. I’ve never really thought ofwhereI’d get married, though if it were a fall wedding–”

“How convenient,” she interrupts dramatically, bringing attention to the fact that itis in fact fall. “I’d want it to be somewhere where we could see the sunset while we say our vows.” I start to dissociate as I get lost in the idea of it all. The sun setting over the horizon, the sky looking like a painting straight from Shane’s studio, while I stare into the eyes of the man I’m marrying, vowing to love him forever and him vowing to protect me and Hendrix no matter what. My heart thumps rapidly against my chest like it’s trying to escape when the wordprotectfloats through my mind.

“I’ll always protect you.”

“You see him, don’t you?” Lauren’s voice is much softer when she disrupts my vision this time.

“What?” I ask, noticing a dampness between my thighs that only ever shows up at thoughts ofhim.

“When you picture your wedding, you see Tank. Even in the fantasy—it’s him isn’t it?” My heart flutters and I feel as if the breath has been knocked out of me when I realize how true her words are. Because when I was looking into the eyes of the man promising me forever, they were the same bright green eyes I’ve gotten lost in countless times before. Though I have no desire to admit that to Lauren in the middle of the nail salon.

“Nope. It’s you. I think you’re my true love. Run away with me Lauren. Let’s leave this cruel world behind, what do you say?” She can’t contain her laughter as I go on and on like I’m trying to land a role in a Hollywood production.

“Well, you’redefinitelymy type…” she says, playing along like she’s contemplating it. “Ruby,” she says in a more serious tone. “It’s okay if it is him. If anything, isn’t it better that way?”

“It’s just so complicated. He was gone forsix months, and it’s not like we saw each other every now and then, it was complete silence. I know he had to take care of himself, and I get that, I really do. But I had to convince myself he didn’t care about me at all anymore to keep from living in a constant state of heartache, and knowing he still saweveryone elsebut me, kind of made it feel true.” I laugh sarcastically. “AndnowI’m literallymarryinghim. Within five minutes of being around him again, I dragged him into my bullshit in the most permanent way possible, without even aHey, how have you been?I don’t know why he would ever agree to this, I mean it’scrazy.”

“Ruby–” She tilts her head in disbelief, but I quickly shake my head to stop her from trying to make me see it differently.

“Look, I’ll have plenty of time in the coming days to dish out necessary apologies. I’m just counting myself lucky that he even agreed to this in the first place. We both understand that this is strictly circumstantial—to give the appearance of stability to a judge in hopes they see how much Hendrix should stay with me. Withus.We agreed to keep Hendrix safe, that’s all this is. So why complicate it with old feelings that he probably left behind months ago?” I see her mouth pop open, but then it closes again and I turn to examine my nails.

“Okay. I’m sorry I brought it up. You handle this however you need to, and I will support you no matter what. Can you just do one thing for me?” she asks, making me look over at her once again.

“I’m scared to say yes.”

“Just for today, keep pretending. Live in the fantasy for a little while. Then you can go back to yourcircumstantialway of thinking after you say I do.” I give her a disapproving look, but she raises a brow at me in return. And if anyone knows Lauren, they know better than to argue with her. I swear if she ever got tired of being a real estate agent she would make a great lawyer.

“Fine.” The devilish grin that appears on her face immediately after makes me wish I could take that one single word back.

“You’re gonna be a wifey.” She does a little happy dance in her chair, making her nail tech scold her.

“I regret everything that’s transpired here today,” I say quietly, shaking my head.

She smirks at me as she taps her phone screen, causing it to make abloopsound from her sending a text.

Shit. What did I just agree to?

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