Page 52 of Waiting for Redemption

“Tank!” He gently grabs my firearm, removing the magazine before setting it on the coffee table beside him, then takes my face in his hands.

“It...It didn’t fire,” I whisper, stating the obvious as I’m still sitting here with him.

“You–” he starts, but can’t quite seem to get the words out.

“It misfired.” All at once the anger starts rushing in, taking over any other emotion I may have had leading up to this moment. I stand up, pacing the room while my eyes involuntarily bounce from one wall to another.

“It didn’t work.Whydidn’t it work? I can’t even dothisright. Why the fuck can’t I just be put out of my misery already?!” I yell, pulling hard at the hair on my head.

“Tank, look at me.TANK!” My eyes hesitantly meet his, and I know he canfinallysee the depth of my struggles. “Sit down, let me get you some water.” He tries to guide me to sit down, but that’s the last thing I want to do. Sit and talk about what went wrong,yet again.I shake my head and try shoving him away.

“I don’t want any fucking water. I don’t want to sit down. I wantout!” I yell.

“No, you don’t. You hear me? You’re not leaving me like this, Tank. I won’t let you.” He grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me, in an effort to pull me out of my panic.

“Look at me,” he demands. “You arenotgiving up. You are a motherfucking Marine. You aremybrother, and so help me, you willnotleave this world without a fight. You’re gonna fight, Tank, and if I have to fight for you until you’re ready to do it yourself, then that’s what I’ll fucking do.” His voice shakes as he struggles to get the words out and his hands are wrapped around my neck to keep my focus on him.

“Why bother? What’s the point? I don’t have a purpose here, not anymore,” I manage to choke out.

“You think that just because you left the Marines you don’t have a purpose? Try again. I left, Max left–” he begins, trying to calm me down, but fuck all this talk aboutchoices.

“Yeah, Tucker. Youchoseto leave. I wasn’t given a fucking choice! One stupid fall and I was done. Iwasfighting my fight. I was making a difference over there, and just like that—it was taken away from me. I didn’t get a fucking choice!THISWAS MY FUCKING CHOICE!” I yell, straining my voice as I point to the spot he found me in. “And it was just taken away too.”

“And I will be thankful every singlefuckingday that fate knew you weren’t done here.” Tears begin spilling from his eyes. “Because you have so much to live for, brother. You just have to find something that you love, find a reason, and fuckinglivefor it. And you won’t find it at the bottom of a bottle or a barrel.” Little does he know, I found my reason—she just probably wants nothing to do with me anymore.

With that thought my breaths are short and quick, chest heaving as I struggle to get air into my lungs. With so much anger and adrenaline pumping through me, it winds up morphing into a severe panic attack. In this moment, the one person I need is–

“Tank!”

It can’t be.

“Ruby? What are you doing here?” Tucker asks in a confused tone. She shoves her phone at him and takes my face in her hands. My eyes are still zoned out on nothing, though I can tell perfectly what’s going on around me.

“Tank, look at me.”

There she is.

That calm and steady voice, and those warm brown eyes looking up into mine.

Why did she come here? I thought she hated me.

“Take a deep breath in through your nose.” Her fingers caress my jawline and I can feel my heart squeeze in my chest at her touch. I do as she asks, breathing in a deep, shaky breath.

“Another one. Deeper.” I draw in a longer, more steady breath and I can feel her relax through her grip on me.

“Good. Now, can you tell me what you smell?” she asks, as I take another breath in. Breathingherin.

“You,” I whisper, slightly worried how she may feel about my answer. Ruby cuts her eyes in Tucker’s direction, then turns them back to me.

“More specifically.”

“Cherries,” I answer, with a sad smile.

“Now tell me what you can see.”

I smirk, knowing how to get a rise out of her. “You.”

She lifts a brow in disapproval and I know I have to clarify my answer.

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