Page 34 of Waiting for Redemption

“So you’re telling me that I could break it again over something as fucking stupid as tripping?” I ask in disbelief.

“With the extent of your injuries, yes, landing on it with any amount of force could cause you to end up right back here. Not to mention you sustained a severe concussion and we will want to keep an eye on the long-term effects that may have on you as well,” the doctor answers.

“And it’s unlikely you would pass the re-entry physical—not to mention the liability you would be to the rest of your team,” Captain chimes in.

“I understand.” There’s a burning in my throat as I force the words out. My nose stings as I try to keep my emotions in check while the only thing I’ve ever loved in life gets ripped away from me. “I would never want to potentially put my team in danger.” The amount of rage I feel burning in my chest makes me wish that the fall had taken me out completely. I shut off any part of my mind that harbors thoughts of “what ifs” until I can’t feel anything but indifference to the situation.

Unfortunately, those same parts of my mind I closed on that day, have been forced back open. I sit back abruptly, slamming my head into the wall as I groan in frustration.

“Fuck. Not this shit again,” I mumble to myself. I thought I was done being haunted by these fucking memories.

When my eyes snap open desperate to see anything besides the past that torments my mind, I hear the clicking of heels headed my way.

Please be her.

“Tank?”

There she is.

Her voice—smooth and sweet like honey—already has my heart rate slowing down. But when I catch a glimpse of her, it immediately picks back up.

Goddammit, she looks gorgeous.

“Hey, are you okay?” She rushes over and bends down in front of me. I think I might go into cardiac arrest between why I came back here in the first place, and the way the slit in her dress is dangerously high on her thigh as she’s squatted down in front of me.

“Look at me,” she demands, and my eyes drift up to hers. “Are you having a panic attack?” she asks, her demeanor seeming as cool and collected as always. Her eyes are the only giveaway that she may be a little panicked herself. I can’t find words to answer her at the moment, so I nod my head in response.

“Okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not gonna leave until you want me to.” She grabs my hand and I grip it back tightly, as the panic dissolves behind her gaze.

“I’m gonna do something to try and help calm you down a little, okay?” I nod in agreement. “Tell me what you see.” She begins gently tracing lines in the palm of my hand while I look over her body.

“You.”

“Okay.” She giggles. “That’s a good start. Can you be more specific?” Her voice is so mesmerizing, encouraging me to keep going.

“Your dress.” I bite out, trying to keep my tone neutral. It should be a fucking crime for someone to look as good as she does right now.

“What can you smell?” Her finger continues swirling around my palm.

“Cherries.” Her cheeks blush but she keeps going.

“Okay, good. What can you feel?”

“You,” I answer again, knowing she’s going to ask me for more.

“More specifically?” She pinches the inside of my hand. I focus my eyes on hers, saying every word as clearly as possible.

“You,Honey. I feel you everywhere. Not just in the palm of my hand.” I see her teeth grab ahold of her bottom lip, as her fingers still dance around my hand. She gives me a soft smile, and I run my fingers through her hair. Gripping around her neck, I bring her forehead to mine.

“Thank you,” I whisper, looking down into her honey-brown eyes.

“For what?” she whispers back breathlessly.

“For being exactly what I needed tonight.” My jaw ticks as every nerve in my body tells me to kiss her. To say to hell with this friendship bullshit and just go for it. But before I make a mistake I can’t come back from, I think better of it and reign those feelings back in. Because if tonight showed me one thing at all, it’s that even if she’s everythingIneed. I’m far from whatsheneeds.

Unstable and unpredictable are the best ways I can to describe myself in this moment, and those are two things I would never burden her with.

So I press my lips to her forehead and say a silent prayer that one day I will be a man that’s worthy of her.

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