Page 56 of Infernal Hearts

It’s a long, silent walk back to the truck. I stay far in front of him, not making any conversation. There are so many thoughts running through my head.

I’m having flashbacks of all the terrible bounties I had to collect for Magnus. All the people I hurt. All the deals I needed to force. It’s nothing I’m proud of, but all of those combined… Those are nothing compared to the fear in Jay’s eyes when he saw me for what I am.

I lied to him when I didn’t mean to. When I said that demons aren’t as evil and as toxic as we sound, that may not have been completely true. That’s what I really am and what I’ll always be. I may never deserve to get close to someone and have something real. Not while I’m capable of what I did tonight. I wanted to kill that animal. His voice alone is all that stopped me. If it wasn’t for Jay, I wouldn’t have thought twice.

The drive back to the clinic is even more painful. Not a word is spoken from him, and the silence is killing me. I just want to apologize again. It was an emergency. I didn’t know what else to do.

Is there something I can say? Is there something I can do?

“Jay, I—”

“Please, don’t apologize. I can tell you’re beating yourself up, and you don’t need to.”

My heart clenches in my chest. “I’m so embarrassed. I never wanted you to see me like that.”

Knowing what happened to his mom, what I did probably triggered him beyond belief. Goddamn it.

“I’m glad I did.” His voice sounds honest, but there’s something behind it.

“You don’t need to lie to me.” I look out the window, wincing at the pain. “It probably brought back terrible memories of what happened to your mom.”

He grips the steering wheel. “No. Not the same thing. What happened to my mom was an accident. What happened with you tonight was a choice. You saved my life, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am.”

My head jerks toward him. I don’t think I heard him correctly. “So…you’re not angry with me?”

He gives my leg a comforting squeeze. “Stop being so hard on yourself. I’m not angry. Not even a little.”

I breathe a sigh of relief, and a weight dissolves off my shoulders. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and rest while he winds along the dark road.

We get back to the clinic, and I follow him inside. He motions to the same exam room I saw him in the first night, and I go inside to wait for him. I have a feeling little quips won’t help this time.

He returns shortly and immediately starts cleaning my wounds, numbing me, and wrapping me up. His hands send chills through my body as he works, but lingering longer than before. This feels different for some reason. He’s trembling slightly, and his skin is flushing—not to mention how many times he’s swallowed in the last thirty seconds. If I could give anything to read his mind, I would do it right now.

He finishes within minutes before he throws away the trash, shedding his gloves. He stops and looks at me in the eye, face blank and unsure.

I need to break the tension. I just want to be closer to him, and I don’t want the night to end like this. “Is it too much to ask for a nightcap?”Please say yes.

Before I know it, he tentatively moves forward. He’s nervous. I can sense it. His hand gently moves across the bare skin on my arm as our eyes meet. His fingers trace up my shoulder and to the side of my face, cupping my cheek in his palm. The distance between us is closing rapidly. Before I know it, his mouth is on mine. And it’s glorious.

Chapter Nine

Jason

With my hands on either side of his face, I kiss him—deeply. I just want to make sure he’s safe. I want to make sure he’s real—that this is real. His body tenses at first, but he relaxes into my touch. His lips part, mouth warm and certain, and his tongue tangles with mine.

This feels like something different than I’ve had before—something raw and instinctual. There’s a palpable passion between us like we’re both hungry for each other and can’t possibly get close enough. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, especially with Michael. I’m losing myself to Levi, and I never want it to stop.

He pushes me back just a little, breaking the kiss, his hands still gripping my shirt. “You sure you want to do this?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

I don’t know what came over me. He was just sitting there, minding his own business, and I couldn’t help myself. Maybe it was because he saved my life. Maybe I’ve had these feelings all along. I don’t know, and right now, I don’t care—all I’m going to do is savor every moment of this.

I grip the back of his hair and tug him, bringing our lips back together and tasting him. The taste of Levi—sweet and sinful, like an aged whiskey. My arm wraps around his shirtless torso, and I yank him forward on the table, chest to chest, crotches rubbing against one another. He’s hard, too. It’s practically bursting through his pants.

Then a thought runs through my head—this is probably the worst time. I immediately pull back. “I’m sorry. You’re hurt. I didn’t think about it.”

“Don’t stop.” His hands find the bottom of my shirt and start pulling it up.

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