Page 84 of Falling for You Again

“I never hated you. Was I angry? Absolutely. Did I have a hard time getting why you guys left? Of course. I was ten. But I got over that. Not right away, but when I did, there was this huge chasm between us. Nothing I said or did seemed to fix that. You guys just shut me out, and I don’t understand why. Is it because you thought I hated you?”

Mom hedges. “Like I said, there were a lot of reasons.”

I drag a hand down my face, feeling my frustration rising. I take a few beats to gather my cool. If I start snapping at her, she’ll stop talking. “Let’s go back to the beginning.”

Mom nods, and she goes way back. “Your grandmother passed away when Bear and your dad were young. They were raised in the shop pretty much like you were. Grandpa Walt did the best he could, working full-time, managing the shop, and raising two boys. Bear met Aria about the same time your dad and I met.”

“Who’s Aria?”

“Your aunt—or shewas.”

I put my hands on the table and lean forward. “Wait ... Uncle Bear was married?”

“For a short time. He and Aria were very much in love. Bear would have done anything for her, to a point. When your grandfather died, he left the building to Bear and your dad, but Bear got the shop and he brought Aria on as a partner. The books were a mess and business slowed, and your uncle struggled to keep it afloat. He and Aria had to spend a lot of late nights and weekends at the shop rather than time with each other, and as much as Aria loved your uncle, she was youngand selfish. She wanted to sell. And when your uncle wouldn’t give up the shop for her, she left him. It hit him hard and he started using to cope. And since he and your dad are close ...” She flips open her hands and shrugs.

“That’s when you and Dad started using.”

“You were only a few months old. I was stressed about raising a newborn, and we didn’t know if we could keep the shop from going under. It was touch-and-go there for a while. It was so easy to take a pill and forget.”

Anger boils in my stomach. “I was a baby.”

“I know,” Mom says, nodding. “I shouldn’t have put you through that. Neither your father nor I should have.”

I lean back, fighting off bitter tears. How could she have been so selfish? All of them!

“Continue,” I say in a flat tone, trying not to get worked up. It’s in the past. I can’t change what happened. But I need to hear it, as difficult as it is.

“Your uncle cleaned up, got his act together. But your dad and I ...” She shakes her head as if she’s still in denial.

“Tell me, whatever it is. I need to know.”

“Bear feels responsible for what happened to us: you, me, your dad. He’s the one who called the cops on your dad. Bear tried to get us off the drugs, tried to intervene, but at the time, your dad had also started dealing. He liked the extra cash. You know how stubborn he can be. Your uncle even more so. He became your guardian when we couldn’t take care of you, and he told me to stay away until I got clean and could prove that I could stay clean.”

“That’s why you didn’t move back until Dad got released.”

“Your uncle did the right thing to keep me away. I wasn’t fit to be a mom. I question if I ever was.”

“So, what? You cleaned up and Dad served his sentence. You came back and decided you didn’t need to be my parents because Uncle Bear said so? Did you think that because he was my legal guardian you werefree from caring about me? Loving me? Showing any interest at all in me?” I ask, my voice rising. Now I’m getting worked up.

“No, no, no.” Mom shakes her head. “It was nothing like that.”

“Then what was it?” I smack my hand on the table.

“We felt so ashamed for deserting you. We didn’t deserve to be your parents anymore. Bear was your parent now. There were legal restrictions, yes, but we all were afraid to uproot you to come live with us after you’d been with your uncle for so long. But more than that, you were just so angry with us, so we gave you space. I guess we took it too far, because when we tried to close the distance, we just didn’t know how. I think we felt too guilty. And please, Meli, please don’t take this the wrong way, but part of that reason was because we had to prioritize rebuilding and recovering our lives. We had to focus on us.”

“Well, excuse me for being too much for you to handle.” I abruptly push back from the table to stand up. I pace away, shaking my arms to let off steam.

“You’re right, we shouldn’t have taken it to such an extreme.” Mom cowers at the table, not looking at me. “It didn’t work anyway.”

I turn back. “What do you mean?”

“Your dad. Before it was drugs and alcohol. Now ... now it’s gambling.”

“Gambling?”

Mom nods, and snippets of things that once didn’t make sense start to form a solid picture.

“Those large, uncategorized withdrawals in Artisant’s accounts. What were they for?”

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