Page 91 of Find Me in California

Matt blinks. Then he frowns, reflective. “Do I seem like I’m in a good mood?”

“A moment ago, you were smiling. You don’t smile much,” she says, sourly.

Matt’s chest expands with a choked laugh. “Thanks?”

“That wasn’t a compliment.” She’s being unfair, venting her frustration on Matt. It’s not his fault Mama Rose has forgotten her. But some days are too hard, and home is the only refuge where she can feel sorry for herself.

Then she remembers his plan today. “You called Adam.”

“I saw Adam.”

“You saw him?” She balks.

“I did.” Matt puts the lid on the pot and turns to her. “Maybe that’s why I’m happy. I have two aunts and two uncles and cousins,and even ... I guess they’d be first cousins once removed? My cousins’ kids?”

“And they just welcomed you into the family?”

“Surprisingly, yeah. They did. I met only one of my aunts. She was very receptive and said the rest of the family is eager to meet me.”

She can tell that he’s more than surprised. He’s astonished. Whereas she’s confused. That wasn’t how she imagined his day would go. His family was supposed to have rejected him. Make him feel like an outcast. Remind him he is alone and unloved. “Even though Adam was married at the time and your mom was illegitimate?”

Matt has the wherewithal not to physically react to Julia’s remark, but Julia rears back, shocked the question came from her mouth. Now she’s just being mean. But she feels possessed, unable to dial down the jealousy and disbelief.

“Yes,” Matt says slowly, watching her curiously. “But that was over fifty years ago. Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she snaps.

“You’re not fine. Your wrists hurt.” He gestures at her hands, and Julia looks down at them. She’s aggressively digging her thumb into the ball of her palm and wasn’t aware she was doing so. She shakes out her hands and crosses them over her chest.

“They’re fine. So, you’re what, like, the Brady Bunch now? Are you going to invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner? Sing ‘Kumbaya’ around the campfire?” She wants to smack herself. Would she shut up already?

“We didn’t get that far, but we are going to keep in touch. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“You could have fooled me. You’re angry. Did I do something wrong?”

He hasn’t done anything wrong. That’s the problem. Everything went right for him today. He did what Julia has been too afraid to do. He reached out to his only known relative and his family accepted himon the spot. Julia has lived with her mother’s rejection her whole life, and her fear of being rejected again has kept her from contacting Lea. Even after what Mama Rose said today, that Lea might have tried to come back but Mama Rose pushed her away, Julia is still too afraid.

Apparently fed up with her behavior, Matt wipes his hands with a dish towel. “Look, it seems like I should go. Whatever’s going on with you, I don’t need you to take it out on me.”

“Says the guy who hung up on me twice after yelling at me.”

“I’ve had enough. Nice knowing you, Julia.” He scoops his phone off the table.

Julia blocks his way out of the kitchen. “Aren’t you at all feeling a little anxious about today? Aren’t you a little worried that your meet-cute will backfire and they’ll reject you after all? All of Adam’s kids can’t be cool with this. Somebody has got to be upset about your mom.”

“Do not bring my mom into this.” Matt stares down at her.

She knows she’s being cruel, but she can’t bring herself to stop. She wants to hurt him as much as she’s hurting. She wants him to feel just as lonely as her. She grabs his hand. “Tell me one thing you’ve never told anyone else.”

“What?” He tries to pull his hand from hers, but her grip tightens.

“One thing you’ve never told anyone else. Then you can go. We never have to speak to each other again.” She’s goading him, backing him into a corner.

“This isn’t helping my anxiety.” She frowns, and he shows her his other hand. It oscillates violently.

So today didn’t go as perfectly as he’s letting on.

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