Page 55 of Find Me in California

It’s her. Magnolia Blu.

Yeah. Change of plans. He’s not going to California.

CHAPTER 25

MAGNOLIABLU

September 23, 1972

A month has passed since the day I meditated with Matty, and up until this week I rarely saw him at home. I should say he wasn’t home more than usual, or from what I’ve seen of him throughout summer. But it’s hard not to believe that he’s avoiding me after what happened between us in the secluded garden nook. I could also be overthinking what I felt with him—I would pay anything to know if he felt it too, that hum resonating between us—because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Our encounter only made my fantasies more vibrant.

It’s wrong of me to have these feelings for him. He shouldn’t be on my mind every waking moment. Liza’s my employer. More importantly, she’s my friend. My only one in California. She trusts me. And while Sam and I had shared partners, while I’d been able to love without restraint for five years, and while Liza confessed that sharing her husband with the world was part of her marriage, I know she would not be open to me loving Matty.

So I’ve been keeping extra busy, which hasn’t been too challenging. There’s plenty of work to do around the property, and Liza’s rarely home. The arts council gala is next month at the Beverly Hills Hotel, andplanning is in full swing. She invited me up for breakfast on the patio the other morning. She seemed tired and unusually quiet. Basically, she wasn’t her chipper self, and I remarked upon it. She insisted that she was fine and expected the gala to go off without a hitch. I asked her how she and Matty were doing. If I’m being honest, I was more curious about him, hungry for any morsel she’d direct my way.

Her lips pursed. She pushed her eggs around her plate and set down her fork.

“I have to go.” She scooted her chair back and stood. “I won’t be home tonight. We’re working late at the hotel and celebrating afterward. It’ll be easier to stay there than drive home.”

“All right,” I said, taking her avoidance as a cue to not ask again about her and Matty, and I tried not to feel disappointed that both would be away.

“Sally will be home if you need anything.” She retreated to the house. Just inside the door, Adam caught her elbow. I’d never seen him touch her so boldly. He whispered in her ear, she nodded, and then she left. Adam turned his attention to me, his expression troubled. I got the feeling he wanted to help Liza but either she wasn’t letting him or he didn’t know how. There was a trace of yearning that lingered just long enough for me to notice, something I probably shouldn’t have seen. I felt like an interloper. I dipped my head and shoveled a spoonful of scrambled eggs into my mouth.

True to her word, Liza was gone all day and night. That evening after I showered and dressed for bed, I took my flute to the porch. But the loud music coming from the house made it difficult for me to play. All the windows were open, every room lit up. I watched Matty aimlessly move from one room to the next, and I longed to go to him, help ease his restlessness. Even from a distance, I could tell that he was drinking. And it didn’t take long for him to appear on the patio. He brought a glass to his mouth, and he looked up at the sky. For a while, he stared into the dark openness. Then his gaze swept over the yard, searching, and landed on me. Our eyes locked and my breath camefaster. He stepped in my direction, and my legs unfolded underneath me and I stood. I hurried into the studio and closed the door behind me before I made a move I’d regret. He’d told me the day we met to stay away from the house while he was home. Nothing good could come of me going to him.

I wanted him to come to me. I desired him so.

“Stop it, Mags,” I ordered my reflection in the bathroom mirror. “He isn’t yours. You can’t have him.”

But I wanted him.

He knocked on my door.

I should have told him to go away. It was late and I needed to sleep.

I still opened the door.

He casually leaned against a porch pillar, lazily knocking a half-empty tumbler of scotch against his thigh. “Saw you watching me.”

“I wasn’t watching you,” I denied in a desperate attempt to prove I wasn’t interested. I wouldn’t make Liza’s marriage more complicated than it already was. “I was already looking up at the house when you came outside.”

“Why didn’t you come up?”

I didn’t answer, and I didn’t remind him he’d asked me to stay away either.

His eyes held mine for a beat, and he glanced away with a quick smile. “Probably wouldn’t have been a good idea.”

“Probably not. Liza still out?”

“Yep.”

“Adam?”

He scowled. “I fired him.”

That took me aback. “You did? When? Why?”

“He was fucking my wife.”

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