Page 39 of Find Me in California

CHAPTER 19

MATT

The farther Matt drives from Magnolia’s house, the more aware of himself and his surroundings he becomes. He’s in no condition to be behind the wheel.

He’s famished. His migraine is back. He’s coming off a high. And he needs gas.

He pulls into a station near the freeway on-ramp. While the car fills up, he enters the convenience market and wanders up one aisle and down the next. He grabs whatever looks tasty. Cheetos, pork rinds, beef jerky. He drops two bags of Lay’s barbecue chips along with a box of Oreo cookies and several Twinkies in the basket.

On his way to the checkout counter, he adds a liter of Coke, a six-pack of Heineken, and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. And when the pimply-faced twentysomething behind the counter rings him up, he asks the guy to toss in a pack of Camels. Matt hasn’t smoked a cigarette in over ten years. He normally doesn’t eat the crap he’s buying either. But he’s also never gone miles out of his way to drop off a stranger he got stoned with. Nor has he ever abandoned everything to help Elizabeth. He second-guesses why he’s doing so now. What, if anything, could Elizabeth share about his mom that would warrant a face-to-face?

Old bitter feelings resurface as he stands beside his car with the door open. So do the memories as he stares off into space. Two months after he moved into his grandmother’s house, he turned eleven. His birthday came and went without cards or cake. Kids didn’t have cell phones then, so he hadn’t heard from his Florida friends. They probably didn’t know where he’d moved to. He ended up spending his birthday the same way he’d spent every day since he’d moved there. Alone.

But something changed the following day. Nothing major. Just a slight shift that made living in his grandmother’s house more bearable.

On that day, he sat on the edge of Elizabeth’s kidney-shaped pool, his feet dangling in the water. The pool overlooked the most vibrant flower garden he’d seen, but he didn’t care. He’d never felt so alone. Nobody cared for him. He was unloved and unlovable.

It was summer break. He hadn’t made any friends yet. His grandmother rarely acknowledged him. And he wasn’t allowed to leave the house by himself. He also wasn’t allowed to swim without adult supervision, even though he was probably more experienced than anyone in the house since he’d grown up on the water.

Occasionally, Adam would watch him from the patio during his breaks because Matt’s grandmother couldn’t be bothered with the inconvenience of supervising him. But on that particular day it was Elizabeth who appeared on the patio in a silk robe and designer one-piece with side cutouts.

Matt straightened, hope lightening his chest at the thought his grandmother wanted to spend time with him. She’d forgive him for not saving his mom.

But she took one look at him, lifted her nose in disdain, and retreated inside the house.

Matt’s back buckled. His grandmother, his only living relative, despised him. He kicked the water.

A moment later, Adam appeared.

He circled the pool in his polished wing tips until he reached Matt. He cleared his throat, beckoning Matt to look up at him.

Matt lifted a hand against the sun’s glare and squinted at the tall man.

“Your grandmother has requested you remove yourself from the patio.”

“And go where?”

“Your room?” He sounded just as befuddled.

“I can’t swim?”

“No, not today.”

Matt’s heart sank to the bottom of the pool. For a brief second, he considered plunging into the water. He could hold his breath for over a minute. He’d sit on the bottom of the deep end until his grandmother was forced to jump in to rescue him. He craved attention so much that he’d risk drowning himself. He wanted to yell and push and break something. He’d been broken when he arrived, but her neglect was killing him.

Which was why he pushed to his feet. He didn’t believe his grandmother would jump in to save him, just like he hadn’t saved his mom.

Matt shuffled into the house with Adam following. The butler tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the kitchen, where Matt melted onto a chair at the table. He stared at nothing.

“Why so glum?” the old man asked.

Matt lifted his shoulder.

“Missing your mom?”

Matt didn’t give him the dignity of a reply. He didn’t want to talk about his mom.

“What is it, then?”

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