Page 95 of Find Me in California

Dear Liza,

I shouldn’t be surprised you wouldn’t see me today. You haven’t responded to the dozens of letters I’ve sent you. I guess I thought an in-person visit would be different, especially if you knew why I wanted to see you this one last time.

I’ll admit, I felt silly yelling at you through the door, but I hope you heard me. I meant everything I said. While I don’t regret loving Matty, and I could never regret having our child, Lea, I regret how you found out about us. I regret I didn’t have the strength to stop seeing Matty. I regret what happened to you and me. Please know that I am so, so terribly sorry. Out of the kindness of your heart, you gave me a home, a job, and your friendship when I had nothing. And what did I do? Exactly what I’d promised you I wouldn’t. I broke your trust and took advantage of your kindness and hospitality.

You were right. I not only ruined your marriage, but I killed Matty. If it weren’t for me, he might stillbe alive today. He certainly would have lived for many more years. At least as many years as I’ve borne the guilt of my betrayal.

I’ve wronged too many people, including you, Benjie, my parents, and Lea. Other than this unsettling need to love free of constraint, I don’t know why I do it. And I fear my reckoning has arrived. I am going to forget my daughter, my beloved granddaughter, Julia, and I’m going to forget you, Liza. I am mature enough now to admit that I am scared about what happens next for me. It seems my punishment before I leave this world is not only losing the people in my life, but losing the memory of them too.

Perhaps one day, this note will find its way into your hands. Or perhaps one day, you’ll allow me to look you in the eye and apologize in person. My last desire is that you might find it within your heart to forgive me. I’d be so lucky.

If you heard me at all today, you know you’ll find me at Rosemont.

Your humbled friend,

Magnolia Blu

CHAPTER 45

MATT

Matt arrives at Rosemont with Julia. Her fingernails bite into his palm where she grips his hand. He doesn’t let go. She’s sinking right now and he needs to help her stay afloat, even if she’s not aware she needs him. He won’t let anyone drown on his watch. Never again.

Trevor explained to Julia over the phone that he and several other nurses on staff had tried to revive Ruby Rose before the paramedics arrived, and once they got there, nothing could be done. She was pronounced deceased at 9:42 p.m. The coroner was on her way if Julia wanted to say her goodbyes before Ruby Rose Hope was taken to the morgue.

They rushed over to Rosemont with Matt driving Julia’s car. She couldn’t get the key into the ignition; she’d been trembling from the news and likely her new reality.

Lenore intercepts them in the hallway. “I’m so sorry, Julia.” She hugs her, but Matt doesn’t release Julia’s hand. He half wonders if he needs her to ground him as much as she needs him. For all intents and purposes, Ruby Rose Hope was Julia’s mother. Matt knows too well how great this loss is for her.

“The coroner just arrived,” Lenore explains. “I’ll keep her occupied while you say your goodbyes.”

“Thank you,” Julia says.

“Thanks for coming with her, Matt.”

“Of course.”

Julia glances at him, only half-aware he’s beside her. But when Lenore leaves, she pulls her hand free. “She shouldn’t have been alone when she died. I should have been with her.”

And not with him, Matt concludes without saying.

Matt doesn’t dare remind Julia that Trevor said Ruby Rose had been asleep, that Julia’s presence wouldn’t have made a difference to her grandmother.

But it would have made a difference to Julia, as it had for him with Elizabeth.

“I’m sorry you weren’t.”

“I think you should go. I have to—I have to say goodbye, and I’d like to do so alone.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s not asking him to leave just Rosemont.

“My things are at your place.”

“Did you put the key back under the gnome?”

He nods.

“Use that.”

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