Page 94 of Find Me in California

“Me too. Very much so. But I had to step away until the urge passed.”

“Because you don’t talk about your mom.”

He nods slowly, and Julia can’t help but feel let down. She wants him to talk about his mom like he started to with her over the phone, has been wanting him to since she first heard he’d lost her. And she wants to be the person he talks to when he does finally open up about her.

After telling him that she has brothers, she feels unburdened, amazingly so. She didn’t realize how tightly she’d been holding on to that part of her life. She wants to tell him more. Maybe even talk it through. Shewants to stop feeling scared about the possibility of her mom rejecting her again.

And she wants Matt to feel like he can do the same with her, use her as a sounding board to work through his grief. He’s been hiding from his trauma almost as long as she has.

“You can talk to me, you know that. Even if you just want me to listen.”

“Thank you,” he says, gently. “But I don’t think I’m ready. It’s nothing against you. I just ...”

“I understand.” Julia looks at his chest, unable to make eye contact, worried he’d think she was overly concerned and would push her away.

He crooks a finger under her chin, lifting her face. “I didn’t say never. I’m just not ready ... yet.”

“When you are—”

“I know where to find you,” he offers, putting her at ease. Then his mouth pulls up into a lopsided smile, sending her heart twirling. “So, you hungry?”

Her appetite roars to life at the mention of food. “You made dinner.”

“I heated up food. There’s a difference.” He lifts a finger to make his point, and she giggles. “I swung by Whole Foods and picked up a prepared fettuccine and pesto dish. Bought some cooked chicken we can add to the pasta too.”

“Veggies?” she asks.

Pause. “My thought process wasn’t that expansive,” he says with a mouth quirk, and she laughs.

“I’m sure I have something in the freezer. Come, I’m starved.” She grabs his hand and pulls him toward the kitchen.

“One sec.” He picks up his jeans and pulls them on. “I don’t cook naked in front of a stove.”

Julia barks with laughter. They enter the kitchen, and as she opens the freezer for vegetables, her phone rings. It’s the ringtone she programmed for Trevor, Mama Rose’s caregiver.

Her gaze darts from the phone to the time. It’s almost 10:00 p.m.

Night calls never bode well.

“Julia?” Matt asks.

She can’t make herself pick up the phone. The ringtone roars in her ears.

Matt picks it up and peeks at the screen. “You should answer this.” He gives her the phone.

Julia watches herself take it. She watches herself tap the green button to answer. And she feels herself pressing the cool glass to her ear. She knows, she already knows. Something is horribly wrong.

“Hello?” She barely hears herself answer.

But every word Trevor says reverberates through her.

“Julia, it’s Trevor at Rosemont. I’m so sorry. Your grandmother went into cardiac arrest. We tried everything.”

CHAPTER 44

MAGNOLIABLU

August 1, 2016

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