Page 63 of Find Me in California

No, I couldn’t stay. I had to leave.

“What is it?” Liza squeezed my fingers. “Aren’t you happy for us?”

I told her I was happy as my eyes fell to the opened suitcases on my bed. Liza followed my gaze. She looked back at me with shock. “Are you leaving?”

“I . . .”

“You can’t! I need you now more than ever, don’t you see? Winter will be slow. You won’t have to garden every day. You can help with the nursery. And when this little girl comes”—she patted her stomach—“I want your help with the baby, especially with Matty’s career taking off. He’s only getting busier. Please say you’ll stay.”

Just tell her.

But if I told her, it would ruin any chance of them having a happy little family. It wasn’t just about Matty, and Liza, and me anymore. The one time I wanted to be selfish and I couldn’t. I had to think about what was best for their little girl.

“All right. I’ll stay,” I agreed to appease her. I didn’t want to further upset her in her delicate condition. But I know I’ll have to leave eventually—if not tonight, soon. I have no other choice.

“I’m so pleased.” She hugged me. “These next few months are going to be wonderful.” She fanned her face. “Look at me, I’m positively glowing.”

I was shrinking inside.

She then told me that Matty needed her back up at the house but that she’d be by again later to fetch me for dinner. I had to join them to celebrate, she insisted.

I dreaded seeing them together, but I heard myself agreeing. And the moment she left, I hurriedly packed. What Liza didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. I’d leave quietly and quickly through the side gate. Without Adam around, and with Matty and Liza busy with each other, nobody would know I was gone until it was too late. I’d be far away by then.

I was just about to leave when there was another knock. I quickly shoved the packed suitcases under the bed and opened the door. Matty stood there looking broken. He told me that dinner had been called off. Liza’s pregnancy was high risk and she’d been experiencing some cramping after today’s excitement. She was resting in bed.

He then cupped my face and lifted my chin. My breath hitched with emotion, and his eyes watered. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know she was coming back. I didn’t know—”

“I don’t blame you.”

“But you’re leaving.” He could read it on my face. That, or Liza told him I was planning to until I let her think she’d convinced me otherwise.

“I can’t stay.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t watch you love her when I’m in love with you.”

“Then I’m going with you.”

“You can’t. You’re having a baby. Your little girl will need her daddy.”

“But I don’t love Liza. It’s you, Mags. I love you. I wantyou. And we don’t even know if she’ll carry to term. Luck hasn’t been on our side, and that’s the truth of it.” His face twisted.

I stepped out of his embrace and shook my head. “You need to go. You leave Liza and you’ll break her heart. You can’t risk the baby.”

“What about your heart? What about mine?” He tried to touch me and I turned away.

“Go, please.”

He was quiet for a long time before he said, “We’ll talk tomorrow. Please tell me you’ll still be here.”

I honestly couldn’t tell him. At my silence, Matty came around in front of me. He pressed a kiss to my forehead, whispered against my lips that he loved me, and left.

The door clicked shut, and a sob ripped from my throat. I cupped a hand over my mouth and rested the other over my stomach, the news I’d planned to share with him tonight in shambles.

I raced to the bathroom and threw up.

CHAPTER 30

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