Page 37 of Find Me in California

She didn’t answer, and my heart pinched for her, for them, for surely she must not believe he would or she would have said something.

“Why are you unhappy, Liza?”

She finished her liquor but held on to the glass, staring up at the house. Lights blazed in nearly every room. One went off, then another. Sally was making her final round before bed.

“Is it because of the baby?” I dared to ask.

“There’s never been a baby. What there’s been are six miscarriages and a stillborn.”

“Liza.”

She dismissed my shock with a wave, explaining she took full responsibility. She and Matty were both fertile. In theory, everything should work. She just couldn’t carry.

“You can’t blame yourself.”

“It’s all right. Matty really wanted a baby. We both did, so much. I’ve accepted that one isn’t in the cards for me.”

“And Matty?”

She lifts a delicate shoulder.

“Why haven’t you adopted?”

Liza vehemently shook her head. “Can you imagine what the press would say? Matty’s a sex symbol. He’s the hottest male commodity right now. His publicist hates that he’s married. In fact, Matty’s team downplays our marriage so that he can keep attending parties at the Playboy mansion for photo ops. The more he’s photographed partying and boozing, the more scripts he’s offered and the more negotiating power his agent has. He brings the studios a lot of money. Yes, we both benefit from his fame. We get to keep this grand lifestyle.” She flagged an arm over the yard. “I can’t blame him for being so possessive of his privacy when he’s home.”

I almost offered again to leave when she sighed heavily and continued on. “We stopped trying for a baby over a year ago. But I still feel the urge to talk about it every once in a while. I still get emotional about it. Little things, like being in this studio, set me off. Sorry. It’s where I lost the one baby I carried to term.” She swiped a finger under an eye.

“It’s got to hurt when Matty goes to ... when he parties.” Even I knew of those Playboy mansion parties. My father had a subscription to the magazine. I’d accidentally found issues hidden under his socks.

“Thank God for Adam. He’s so supportive. Always by my side. And for you.” She squeezed my fingers. “Adam’s wonderful in so many ways, but he doesn’t make up for real girl talk.” She smiled and looked into her empty glass. “That went down fast.”

“I think you needed it.”

“I did. And now I need to go to bed before I get too tipsy to make it back. Good night, darling.”

I stood with her and wished her a good night when she kissed my cheek.

“Oh, it will be.” She waved without looking back and walked up to the house, weaving slightly up the gently sloped lawn. That’s when I noticed she was barefoot and wearing her nightgown.

It was also when I realized how lonely she truly is, and it made me wonder if that’s why she’s unhappy.

Liza surrounds herself with people and is married to a man any woman would die to have a piece of. You peel all that back, remove the glitz and glam, take away the money and connections, and who is she? Who is there for her? No wonder she’s drawn to me, another broken soul just looking to be loved.

CHAPTER 18

JULIA

Julia finds Lenore waiting for her outside Mrs. Eaton’s room when she finishes the elderly woman’s evening massage. She’s exhausted, her entire body aches, and she just wants to go home, pour a glass of wine, and read the rest of Mama Rose’s diary. She hopes she’ll find the answer to what happened between her and Liza. She also hopes what’s on the pages will help her pinpoint why Mama Rose wanted the diary so badly.

“Trevor told me what happened with Liza,” Lenore greets her. Julia exhales loudly and starts walking toward the exit. Lenore joins her.

“He went straight to you.” She thought he’d give her a chance to go to Lenore first, explain her side.

“Don’t blame him. He’s only looking out for our residents.”

“Basically doing his job. I know. It’s just—” Julia stops midthought. She stops walking too.

Lenore turns to her. She takes the bag off Julia’s shoulder.

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