Page 19 of Find Me in California

“How’d you know I needed one?” The single brewed cup she consumed at home this morning didn’t have the quantity of caffeine she needs to get through today.

“I had a feeling. No offense, but you look a wreck.”

“I fell asleep on the couch.” She greedily sips the charcoal-infused brew.

“What I’m seeing here is more than one poor night’s sleep.” Lenore circles a hand in front of Julia’s face.

“Thanks for the pep talk I didn’t ask for.” She gives Lenore a thumbs-up.

Lenore takes a sip of her own coffee and grabs a manila folder from her desk. “Let’s sit outside. The weather’s nice.” It’s a cloudless June morning. She opens the glass-paned door to the side garden and a private patio. Traffic is light, a gentle hum of white noise on the other side of the vine-covered concrete-block fence. A floral-scented breeze rustles the jacaranda leaves overhead. Lenore sits in a wrought iron chair. She drops the folder on the table.

“What’s up?” Julia sits across from her, getting straight to business. Time’s a-ticking. She’s more anxious this morning than usual.

“How are you holding up?” Lenore starts.

Julia sends her a look that says she’s two inches from hitting a wall.

“Have you given thought to what we discussed yesterday? Any plans?”

“No. I fell asleep. Couch, remember?”

“I have an idea, and don’t shoot me for suggesting this. Have you considered locating your mom?”

Julia leans back, hands up. “No, not an option.”

“Jules—”

“Don’t go there, Lenore. You know how I feel about her.” Julia considers Lenore a friend, about the only one she has these days. A year ago, after Mama Rose broke her hip and had been bedridden for a month, Lenore took Julia to dinner. Over drinks, Julia opened up about her relationship with Mama Rose, explaining why her grandmother was more of a mother to her than her own mother. Lea Hope gave up her parental rights when Julia was three. Mama Rose raised her on her own since Julia’s grandfather Benjie had passed before she was born. Not once during the rest of Julia’s childhood or adult life has she had contact with the woman who birthed her.

She pulls the necklace Mama Rose gifted her on her thirteenth birthday out from her shirt and zips the fourteen-karat gold rose charm along its chain.

“Ruby Rose is your mom’s mother. People change,” Lenore says.

“If she has, she would have reached out by now.”

“There might be a viable reason she hasn’t, which could change if she knows your grandmother doesn’t have much longer.”

A fist squeezes Julia’s heart. She knows Mama Rose’s time is limited. She may have months left, but she could also have years. One never knows. Alzheimer’s patients are always surprising their doctors. Their life span can be anywhere from five to twenty-five years after diagnosis.

But she and Mama Rose have never had to rely on anyone but each other, and Julia isn’t going to start now, especially with the woman who abandoned her on her grandmother’s doorstep.

“I don’t know if she’s financially able to help, or if she’s even alive. She was homeless when she left me with my grandmother.”

That’s only partly true. Julia has looked her up over the years and hates herself each time. Lea is alive and thriving. She just didn’t want Julia. And Julia doesn’t want to share what she’s learned about her mother with anyone. It only depresses her. Easier and less complicated to pretend she doesn’t exist.

“I have another suggestion, then.” Lenore pushes the manila folder across the table. “Move your grandmother to a more affordable facility, one where Medicare covers a portion if not all the costs.”

Dread tumbles in her stomach. “You’re evicting her already?”

“Not yet, no. And I don’t want us to get to that point, which is why I put this together for you.”

“But this is where Mama Rose wants to be, where I promised to keep her.”

“I get that, I do. But you’re barely staying afloat, Jules. You’ve sacrificed everything. What more of yourself can you give up?”

Everything, if it means Mama Rose lives out her remaining days here. She’s the only person in Julia’s life who’s loved her consistently and genuinely, who didn’t abandon her. Whether Mama Rose is lucid or not, Julia’s not going to disregard her grandmother’s wishes in herlast hour. Mama Rose might not be aware if Julia breaks her promise, but Julia will be. She couldn’t live with herself.

Lenore opens the folder to a stack of brochures and marketing slicks. She fans them across the table. “They’re good centers, all with memory care units. They’re nearby so you don’t have to drive far, and they’re more affordable than Rosemont.”

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