Page 104 of Find Me in California

“You’re wearing the necklace I bought you,” Lea says.

“What?” Julia lifts her head, startled. Lea’s cheeks glisten from her tears.

“The rose pendant. I bought it for your thirteenth birthday.”

Julia’s fingers flutter to the necklace. She looks down at the pendant. “Mama Rose gave this to me on my thirteenth.”

Lea sighs.

“Why would she lie to me?”

“It’s going to take more than one evening for me to explain everything that’s happened. I can give you the highlights right now if you’ll listen.”

Julia nods, tightly clasping the pendant.

“Where to begin?” Lea briefly closes her eyes. “My mother and I weren’t always like this, at such odds.”

“That’s an understatement,” Julia says. “I remember the day you left me. I remember what you said. You didn’t want me.”

Lea wipes her face with a shaky hand. “I was hoping you wouldn’t remember. Unfortunately, I can’t take any of that back. It won’t change what I did, or what I said. I am sorrier than you will ever know.” She sits back down and squeezes her knees. “I was at my worst then, and it took me a long, long time to fix myself. I’m still fixing myself. It never stops, not when you’re as bad as I was. But that’s a story for another day. For now ...” She takes a collective breath. “I loved my mother, and we were very close until I was around ten. That’s when my father died. And before you say anything”—she lifts a finger when Julia opens her mouth to interrupt—“I’ve known about my biological father, Matthew Holloway, since I was old enough to remember. Benjie Stromski was my adoptive father, the one I called Dad. He raised me, and I adored him. His death destroyed both Mother and me. We were never the same.

“I’d like to blame it on the drugs. We both had problems. But I think we were suffering from broken hearts. The drugs made it easier to cope. She was a recreational user. I don’t think she ever stopped.”

“She didn’t.”

“She was still hosting her parties?”

Julia nods. “Until she was diagnosed.”

“Wow.” Lea forces out a breath. “My teenage years were chaotic. I can’t recall if she kicked me out or if I left. Probably a little of both. But I moved out when I was seventeen. Had you at twenty-one. Left you with Mom when I was twenty-four and landed myself in the hospital more than once. I had to be revived twice.”

“Jesus.”

“I was not fit to be a mother, and when your grandmother approached me to give up my parental rights, I didn’t think twice. Chris, my husband, cleaned up before me. We weren’t married then, but he helped me find my way back. Then we held each other accountable. Got our GEDs, passed our real estate exams. Married, had kids.”

“And lived happily ever after.” Julia’s mouth pinches, her mind turbulent with envy and anger. “Where did I fit in during all this? Or didn’t I?”

“These are highlights, Julia. So much more was going on. I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“I’m already there.”

“I’m afraid if I tell you everything right now, you’ll never want to see me again. I’ve waited twenty-seven years to speak with you. Seventeen years for you to come see me.”

“Then why didn’t you come to me? Why didn’t I see you when you came back for me? How am I supposed to believe you? This necklace proves nothing.” Julia shoots to her feet and dangles the charm for Lea to see.

“Because your grandmother didn’t want me to,” Lea says, impassioned as she rises. She stands face-to-face with Julia. Their posture is defensive, identical. Any doubts about whom she came from are eradicated this instant. She sees much of herself in her mom. She doesn’t know if that makes her proud or disgusted. She’s definitely confused.

“Why wouldn’t Mama Rose let you see me?” Giving up her parental rights is one thing. But for her to stay away entirely? “Would you have been that bad of an influence?”

“I would have been horrible. Those first five years after I gave you up, when I kept coming back.” She shakes her head. “You would not have wanted me anywhere near you. But after I cleaned up? I don’t think your grandmother believed I’d stay that way. And by the time I showed up around your thirteenth birthday, she considered you hers. It wouldn’t have mattered how sober or successful I was. At the heart of it, I think she was afraid of losing you too. She’d lost her parents. She’d lost my biological father, then Benjie. Then me. I don’t think she would have survived if I’d taken you away.”

“Didn’t you at least try to fight for me? What about joint custody or visitation rights?”

“Oh, we tried.”

“We?”

“Chris hired attorneys. He was ready to go to battle for you.”

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