Page 92 of No More Secrets

His body shudders with the admission. This is the first time he’s said those exact words, in that order, and in reference to him. Until now, there’s always been a part of him in denial about what exactly it was that happened to him.

“Luc.” Olivia swears, and before he sees her move, Lily is out of her seat and kneeling in front of him. She grasps both his hands. “I’m so sorry,” she says through tears. “So, so sorry that happened to you.”

Olivia scoots her chair closer and draws her arm over his shoulders. He clings to his sisters as he lets go of the pain and suffering he’s borne for over a decade, and he just cries. He hates that he was violated. But he hates more how long he’s let that one incident dictate his life.

When he feels he can talk without choking up, he says, “Give me a sec, guys.”

“There’s more?” Lily shares a tortured glance with Olivia.

“I need to finish this.” Get it all out. “When I got home, I thought I’d be okay. I thought I could forget what happened and move on. But Mom and Dad didn’t want to hear any of it. They wouldn’t press charges, and I wasn’t to speak a word of it. I’d embarrassed the family enough with my arrest. They wanted me to pretend nothing happened. But it ate at me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw them. I could feel their hands on me. They were always there. I couldn’t make them go away, and the only way I knew how to stop it was to kill myself.” He shows them his scar. “But I couldn’t go through with it,” he whispers harshly. “I was so afraid you’d find me, Lily, that I couldn’t do it. I tried to stop the bleeding on my own, and when that didn’t work, I shouted for Mom.”

Lily cries outright. Olivia’s face crumples with the weight of her devastation. Overcome, she buries her face against his shoulder.

“Mom took me to the hospital, where they stitched me up and sent me home with a referral to a therapist. She never made an appointment. I told myself if she didn’t care, neither did I. So I stopped caring. I didn’t care about you, or you.” He looks at them both. “I didn’t even care about myself.”

Tears cascade down Lily’s face. He catches one with his thumb, and her eyes, more green than hazel behind the moisture, meet his. “I’m sorry I didn’t help you with Dad. If I could go back in time and change that, I would in a heartbeat.”

“I believe you,” she says, rapidly nodding.

“I know St.John is your father. Mom told me Dad killed him. She said he was coming unhinged and was afraid he would hurt her. After hearing that, and knowing what he’d done to you and what he didn’t do for me, I wanted to kill him. I...” He looks at his palms, remembering the blood after beating up his father. “Olivia says the video doesn’t show me leaving the road, but I remember strangling him with the seat belt.”

“But you didn’t,” Lily says, vehement. He looks at her in confusion. “Olivia told me what you said to her. You didn’t do it, Luc, so stop beating yourself up about it.”

“But I saw—”

“It wasn’t real,” she argues.

“You probably wanted to so badly that you hallucinated doing so,” Olivia says.

“Or it’s a false memory,” Lily points out, looking between him and Olivia. “Our minds trick us when we’re under duress. That night I ran? I came back looking for Wes. He’d hit his head, and I found him bleeding and totally out of it. I thought I’d shot him and was so relieved to find him alive. But he was confused and disoriented, and he attacked me. I was able to fight him off, but he hit his head and died on impact. Dad saw it and convinced me that it wasn’t self-defense. He said I’d murdered my best friend, and for years I believed that. In fact, I manufactured memories that I did.”

“Dad’s dead through no fault but his own. We don’t blame you, so don’t blame yourself.”

“Easier said than done.” He thinks of the domino effect. If he hadn’t shown up at the hotel, he wouldn’t have given his father a reason to run. Indirectly, Lucas is the cause, and that’s something he’ll have to contend with for the rest of his life.

As for what he believed he did to his father, what he possibly only imagined, he’s probably way past time to seek professional help.

“Since you brought up Dad, there’s something else you need to know.” Lily shares a look with Olivia.

Lucas frowns. “What?”

“Dad didn’t kill Benton,” Olivia says.

He blinks. “Then who did?”

“Mom.”

His head swings to Lily. “What?”

“I overheard her and Dwight arguing. That’s why I left. Mom literally shoved me out the door. They were afraid I’d tell the police.”

Lucas stares at her, speechless. His mom murdered Lily’s father. He knows she’s coldhearted, but damn. “That’s messed up.” Downright cold blooded. He can’t even begin to unpack that.

“She told me it was Dad.” And he’d believed her. “You guys are serious?”

They nod.

“I had a hard time wrapping my head around it, too, when Lily told me,” Olivia confesses.

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