Page 91 of No More Secrets

“Why not?” Lily asks.

He forces himself to look at her, to face the pain and accusation that clearly shows in her expression. The truth is always the hardest to admit, but he does. “At the time, I told myself I didn’t care. I didn’t care about you, or Dad, or Wes. Anybody. But the real reason is that I was scared. I was weak, and afraid, and... I was a fucking coward.” He clenches his hands. The rock bites into his right palm.

There’s a long beat of silence with Olivia and Lily just watching him, waiting for him to continue. But he’s locking up.

He feels a hand on his. Lily gently uncurls his fingers and tosses the rock. She cradles his palm. “It’s okay, Luc. This is a safe space.”

“You can tell us,” Olivia speaks gently.

A tear slips down his cheek, shocking him. He didn’t realize he was crying.

“I don’t know where to start.” His voice is a hoarse whisper.

“How about the beginning?” Lily suggests.

He nods and takes a shuddering breath. “All I wanted was to play football in college and build skyscrapers. I could have done it. I’d be doing it now. If not for the drinking.” He looks up at the blue sky, his voice going distant. “Tanner and Reg were cool guys. We’d known each other since I was, what... nine, ten?”

“You partied more when you were around them.”

He nods. Olivia remembers the bonfires on the beach during high school. She had to pick him up a few times because he was too drunk to drive.

“Tanner always brought the beer. He’d raid his dad’s fridge. Reg and I would pick him up, and if there wasn’t a party happening, we’d make our own.

“The night I was arrested, Tanner didn’t have any beer when we picked him up. His dad found out he’d been skimming his supply and locked the fridge. The old man literally wrapped that thing with a chain and padlock. They fought. Tanner scored a shiner, but he said he was going to get his dad back. That he has it coming to him. We had no idea what he meant. All we cared about was that it was Saturday, and we didn’t have beer.

“Reg had heard this friend of ours Johnny bought alcohol at the minimart without getting carded. We figured it was worth a shot. The worst that could happen is we’d get carded and we’d leave empty handed.

“We get to the market, we each grab a six-pack, and take it to the front. I didn’t recognize the guy at the register. He was new. Gary was his name. I’ll never forget it. He asked for our IDs.

“Next...” He drags in a breath. “Everything happened so fast.”

Lily squeezes his hand, reminding him they are there for him.

“I look over at Tanner to ask what we should do. Play it up or leave? But he’s pointing a gun at Gary. It was the most surreal thing I’d ever seen. Tanner holding a gun... my mind couldn’t grasp that. I was like, where the fuck did it come from. The idiot had stolen his dad’s gun. That’s what he meant by getting his dad back.

“I don’t know why I did what I did. I wasn’t thinking. Maybe I thought Tanner was going to shoot the guy. I grabbed the gun from him, and it went off. The bullet blew through the window and shattered Reg’s windshield. Tanner and Reg split.” He snaps his fingers. “Don’t know why I didn’t. I froze. I couldn’t move. Next thing I know, this Gary guy is tackling me. He held me down until the police arrived. Tanner and Reg got off with a week in detention and community service. I got six months.”

“Those assholes,” Olivia mutters.

He takes a breath. Lily blots her tears. “I remember that,” she says. “Not the details. Mom wouldn’t tell us. But I remember when you were gone those months. You missed most of the school year.”

“What happened in detention?” Olivia asks.

He knows she’s always wanted to know. He didn’t return home the same kid he was when he left.

He picks at his thumbnail. “There was this kid there, Morris. They had six of us in a room, and he was one of my bunkmates. He’d been in for a couple of years already and had fifteen years to serve on top once he aged out. He was in for rape and murder charges. A real peach, that guy. He and a fellow gang member lured a couple of teen girls into a public bathroom, raped them, then shot one of them in the back. It was part of their induction ceremony to get initiated into their gang.

“Morris was a show-off. He was rowdy and loud. He was also angrier than shit and had a dangerous drive to control everything around him. I heard rumors he’d raped a few guys while inside. I didn’t think much of it. I was going to do my time, get out, and get my life back.

“Morris would make passes at me and insinuate shit he wanted to do to me. I ignored him best I could, until I couldn’t. A few weeks before my release date, someone tripped me in the mess hall. I was on cleanup, and the dirty trays I was carrying dropped in Morris’s lap. It made quite the mess, and he made my last weeks there hell.”

Lily makes a pained noise in the back of her throat. Olivia squeezes her empty paper cup until it folds.

“He and his guys harassed me in the mess hall. They ganged up on me in the yard. I was so paranoid I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to get the hell out.

“Three nights before my release, a fight broke out in the common room while I was still cleaning in the mess hall. Morris came in with four of his guys. The guards were busy breaking up the fight. They were distracted, and I knew nobody would come for me. But I fought.” Pause. “I fought real hard.”

Memories crawl up his throat like a disease. But he plows forward, needing to get everything out in the open. He can’t let what happened to him fester further. “They pinned me down, stripped me, and Morris... Morris, the fucker...” He rubs his forearm. “He raped me.”

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