Page 90 of No More Secrets

“Don’t thank me. You can thank Shiloh when you see her this summer.”

40

Lucas rests his oar over his lap. Crisp, cool air cuts across the bay, the water a myriad of blue and green gems reflecting the sun. Underneath him, his kayak leisurely bobs in the water. He inhales the musty scent of algae and tastes salt on his tongue. He’s missed his morning rows, but not enough to consider Seaside Cove home, not anymore.

Home is in the desert with an old lady who bakes lasagna, a teen who gives him lip, and a woman whose mysteries he has yet to unravel. Something he looks forward to.

Unzipping a jacket pocket, he takes out the switchblade Mr.Whitman gifted him when he was ten. He gave one to each of them—Blaze, Olivia, Tyler, him, and later Lily when she was old enough. A reward for passing his impromptu survival lessons during summers at the Whitmans’ lake house.

The blade once reminded him of the happiest moments of his life. He loved those summers, tackling Olivia and farting in her face. Tipping Blaze in the canoe. Letting everyone think he got lost in the woods. He chuckles at the memories. Until he remembers he used the blade on his arm. He didn’t think he could ever be happy or hopeful again. Now the blade only reminds him of when he lost the will to live, and how he let what happened to him in juvenile detention and the months following taunt him for years.

He chucks the switchblade hard.

It lands in the water fifty yards from him, gone forever.

A smile pulls at his face. He picks up his oar and coasts back to shore, feeling a ton lighter than he did when he took his kayak out at dawn.

When he nears their dock, Olivia and Lily are waiting for him. They huddle under a shared blanket, sipping coffee from the café up the road, and the sight of them together without the chaos of a thousand people surrounding them breaks his stride. It’s been a week since he’s been released. He hasn’t spoken to Lily or seen her since that day at the Grove. Olivia’s coordinated this morning’s meetup. He’s nervous, regretful, and unsure. How will Lily react after all he’s done to her?

When he hits sand and rocks, he gets out, sloshing through the water as he drags his kayak to dry land. Lily puts down her coffee and throws herself into his arms before he can fully straighten. They almost topple over. Bracing his legs, he hugs her back, burying his face in her hair. He cradles her head, and the words tumble out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He apologizes over and over for the Grove and the embarrassment he caused her.

Her head shakes under his hand. Moisture soaks his neck from her tears.

Olivia joins them, wrapping her arms around them both, and it almost shatters him. To feel their love. To feel connected with them. To be touched and to not balk. He’d be on his knees if Olivia wasn’t holding them up. They’re a tripod. He should have known with one of them missing, the others would collapse. Lily ran away, and he and Olivia fell apart. Like Ruby, Titian, and Dahlia, Olivia’s superhero siblings in her graphic novels, they’re stronger together. A force to be reckoned with.

They could have been a solid front against their parents had they only stuck together. He’ll always regret he hadn’t come through for them.

“No regrets,” Olivia harshly whispers into their huddle as if she’s reading his thoughts. “No apologies. We’re together now. That’s what matters.”

She’s the first to break their embrace. Lucas pinches the wetness from his eyes, and Lily wipes hers with her shirtsleeve, laughing into the material. “I’m a mess.”

He offers her a hesitant yet hopeful smile when their eyes meet.

Olivia gives him a coffee and retrieves the blanket. “Come, we have a lot to discuss.”

They take their coffees to the back deck of the house he learned earlier he’s now one-third owner of. Olivia explained their mother left the same day he did with no explanation. When an envelope arrived with the deed and three bank-account numbers, one in each of their names, she realized Charlotte wasn’t coming back. Olivia hasn’t told him much else about their mom, only asking that he be patient and wait for Lily. She reminded him again a lot has happened in the last eight months.

Lucas doesn’t like the sound of that.

They settle on chairs facing each other, his sisters bundled in blankets to ward off the chill. He removes his thin water-resistant jacket and pulls on a thick sweatshirt. Then he takes the lid off his coffee only to pause when he realizes what he’s doing. Only a week ago he would have spiked it, starting his day off with something strong. Sometimes he’d skip the coffee and go straight for the tequila.

He sets the lid and cup aside and turns to his sisters. “I start AA tomorrow,” he says, and immediately chokes up. He’s nervous about what he wants to share, his mind resisting. One last-ditch effort to protect himself.

Olivia rests a hand on his knee. “It’s okay. We’re listening.”

Lucas puts down his coffee and picks up a rock, rolling it between his hands, clearing his throat. “I started drinking in high school. You know that. Dad was always on my case. I couldn’t take the pressure. I partied to let off steam.”

He rolls the rock over his palms and meets Lily’s gaze. “I heard you yelling for me that night.” She inhales sharply. “I was there... at the dock. I saw everything.”

“The night Dad...?” She can’t finish. Her throat ripples.

He nods. “After the gun fired and Dad told you to run, you ran right past me.”

“I didn’t see you.” Her voice is disbelievingly small.

“And you didn’t help her?” Olivia looks stunned.

He shakes his head. “I couldn’t.”

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