Page 110 of Side Trip

She carefully unfolds the bucket list and reads through the bullets.Drive across country in a convertible. Do something I have always wanted to do. Do something spontaneous. Do something daring. Do something dangerous. Sleep under the stars. Dance in the rain. Make a new friend. Fall in love.

Each bullet brings about a vivid and distinct memory that gives her all the feels, except one. She never did do something spontaneous.

But she did fall in love with Dylan.

I love him.

If only she’d had the courage to tell him then. She would have saved herself and Mark years of heartache.

Her hand dives into her purse and she grabs a pencil. Careful, so as not to rip the paper, she erases the worn line throughfall in love, then strikes the bullet out with a fresh one. Satisfied, she tucks the list, along with the CD and Judy’s bracelet, into her purse. She plans to keep those.

She goes for the Polaroids next, but something else catches her eye. Judy’s life goals.

She reads through the list, nonplussed.

“Hey, you all right?”

Joy blinks at Taryn. She didn’t hear her come in. She goes to show Taryn Judy’s list, wondering if she’ll be as disconcerted as Joy, but stops.

“What is it?” Taryn asks.

Joy had been young, hurt, scared, and consumed with guilt when she pledged to complete each of Judy’s lists. Achieving her sister’s goals and dreams was good in theory, but Joy’s older and wiser self sees the true way to atone for her mistakes and let go of the past is twofold: admit what she’d done wrong, then forgive herself.

“I was the one driving Judy’s car when it went off the road,” she says. Her confession is a waterfall of relief, washing away a burden she’s carried for more than half a lifetime.

Taryn’s mouth turns down. “I know. You told me,” she says gently.

“I did? When?” Joy asks, disbelieving.

“After one too many G&Ts at Mr. Purple, same night you told me about that guy you met on your way to New York.”

“Wow. I don’t remember.”

“You were stupid drunk, Jo-Jo.”

“Gee, thanks.” She gives her eyes a good roll. “What else did I say?”

“Pretty much everything. I’ve felt horrible you didn’t get the message we weren’t going to be at the cabin. I keep going over how differently that night could have turned out.”

“Trust me. You’re talking to the queen of hindsight.”

Taryn touched her shoulder. “I’m talking to a survivor. A warrior. I can’t believe the weight you’ve been carrying for so long.”

“You don’t think less of me?”

“Are you kidding? You’re the bravest person I know.”

Joy looks at the paper in her hand. A tear drops on the countertop, then another. For years she expected to be judged and rejected. Had she known her fears were unfounded, she never would have waited this long to admit the truth.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist.”

“I’m glad. Have you told your parents yet?”

Joy shakes her head. “I will, though. My therapist wants me to invite them to a session.” She shows Taryn Judy’s goal list. “Read this.”

Taryn takes the sheet of teenage girl stationery. Her eyes skim down the paper, then snap up to meet Joy’s. “You’ve done everything here except the kid thing. Oh, and marry Todd. But Mark kind of reminds me of him. That’s creepy, but cool, in a weird way.”

“I thought if I sacrificed my dreams for Judy’s I could make up for what I’d taken from my family.”

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