Page 89 of Everything We Left Behind

Her lips released mine. She pressed her forehead to mine and murmured my name. This hadn’t been the first time I’d asked.

“Do you love me?” I hated the emptiness in my tone.

She stepped from my embrace and my hands fell to my lap. Cool air swirled into the space she left. My gaze washed over her as she took interest in the paint drops on the floor. She twisted her hair. Emotions played on her face, confusion and uncertainty. I lifted her chin and we watched each other for a moment. “Nat, do you love me?”

“Yes. With all my heart.”

“Then why won’t you marry me?” I asked. Then, unexpectedly, I thought of her scars, battle wounds I never asked about, figuring she’d one day be brave enough to tell me. I’d waited long enough. She’d told me she was on birth control. Maybe there was something more going on. “Can you have children?”

She stiffened. “I hope so.”

“But your scars?”

She frowned. “My scars?”

I skimmed my thumbs along the inside of her hip bones. “Did you have surgery?” Her mother passed from ovarian cancer. “Were you sick?” I didn’t like that she would have kept such a thing from me were that true. I still needed to know.

“Sick?” She looked down at my hands where they clasped her hips. “I got those while surfing.” It was my turn to frown. “A wave pushed me into some sharp rocks when I was seventeen. They punctured my skin and it hurt like a bitch, but that has nothing to do with why I won’t marry you.”

“Then what is it?” I practically growled the question, frustrated for an answer.

Her whole body wilted. “I want to marry you, I really do. It’s just ... I’m afraid you’re only marrying me for the kids’ sake.”

“Dios, Nat.” She didn’t think I wanted her. “I love you. It’s you I want every goddamn second of the day. There’s no one else I want to be with.”

“You say that now.”

My hands fell from her. I slid off the stool and backed a step away.God, I’m an idiot.“You’re afraid I’ll want to be with Aimee.”

“It’s a logical fear, Carlos. You’re convinced the fugue will end. You’re also convinced James won’t want your sons or that he’ll be unable to keep them safe from your family. Us getting married puts me in the exact same predicament as Julian and Marcus. I’m scared you’ll just leave me behind, too.”

“Nat ...” My world crashed. She turned away, looking as lost and forlorn as I felt. I wanted to punch something. Life was so goddamn unfair because Nat was right. I shoved a hand into my hair and gripped hard.

Her phone buzzed with an appointment alarm. She looked at the time. “I have to go.” She put the phone away then gave me a long look. Reaching out, she skimmed her fingers along my unshaven jaw. I captured her hand and pressed my lips to her palm, holding her there.

“Let James decide what he wants,” she said, locking her gaze with mine when I released her hand.

I shook my head hard. “I can’t do that. I don’t care what Aimee told me. I can’t see that guy she described.” Yet I wanted to tie her to me. I ground my teeth and looked away.

“Hey.” She coaxed me back with the gentle touch of her fingers on my face. “If he doesn’t want the boys, or if he doesn’t think he can keep them safe from his family, then, yes, I’ll adopt them. I’ll give them a good home. You can put that in your journal so James knows.”

I put both hands on her face and kissed her hard, somewhat desperately. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you.” I would take whatever she was willing to give me.

“I love you, Carlos.”

I hugged her tightly. “I’ll always love you.”

She murmured in my ear then said good-bye, stepping from my embrace. I grasped her hand, her fingers falling from mine as she backed away. The door closed behind her, leaving me alone with my paints and the words she whispered after my declaration that I would always love her.

I hope you do.

CHAPTER 27

JAMES

Present Day

June 28

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