Page 79 of Everything We Left Behind

“Can we live here?”

James arches a brow. “In Hawaii?”

“Tía Natalya wants us to stay.”

“Do you like it here?”

Julian extends his arms to encompass Hanalei Bay’s crescent beach. He gives James a look like he’s nuts not to consider otherwise. Julian grew up living beside the ocean. It makes sense he’s drawn to this one.

James fists the sand, then lets it spill between his fingers. “It is pretty nice here.”

Julian buries his toes. “I didn’t like California.”

“Hey, I didn’t say no. But we should get Marc’s opinion, too, before we decide.”

A watery smile pulls Julian’s mouth wide. Then he frowns and the smile disappears. He watches a trail of ants hike the hills and valleys beside him. “What’s Señora Carla’s real name?”

“Claire Donato.”

“What should I call her?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“Why did she lie to us?”

“She was afraid I would have sent her away.”

“Would you have?”

James opens his mouth to say yes but stops himself. He debates telling Julian the truth else he continues to see him as the bad guy. The one who’s tearing their family apart when all he’s really trying to do is put the pieces together. Then he remembers what got him into this mess. Withholding the truth. And he was starting to despise his shame more than the flaws that make him human. One of those being he has a terrible relationship with his mother.

“Yes,” he finally says. “I would have sent her away.”

Julian opens his mouth and closes it. James watches his son’s mind tick.

“Will you send Marcus and me away?” he hesitantly asks in a voice tinged with fear.

There it is,James thinks on a long sigh. What Julian has feared most these past six months. In quite a few entries, Carlos commented on his fear that James would abandon his sons. Carlos had expressed that fear with Julian. Talk about a heavy load of responsibility on shoulders so young.

James faces his son. “Look at me,” he says, and waits for Julian to lift his head and wipe his eyes. “I will never send you and Marc away. I’ll never leave you either.”

Julian inhales a sob and nods.

“I’ve never stopped loving you. Even last December when I first couldn’t remember you. I loved you back then. You’re my son, Julian. You will always be my son.”

Julian sucks in another sob. His body vibrates as he cries. James drags his son against him. Then he just holds him.

Marc’s eating at the kitchen table and Natalya’s storing condiments in the fridge when James and Julian return to the house. She lifts her head above the fridge door when she hears their arrival. “I made lunch.” She nods at the plates on the counter.

James lifts a brow at Marc, amazed he’s devouring the Spam-and-pineapple sandwich.

“Muy bueno,”Marc exclaims around a mouthful of food.

“If you say so, kiddo.” James eyes the sandwiches. He has his doubts.

“Gracias, Tía Natalya.”Julian selects a plate and takes it to the table.

“Thank you,” James says to her from the doorway. “I’ll take care of dinner.”

---