Page 14 of Everything We Left Behind

Eyes darting toward the hallway in the direction of Marcus’s and Julian’s rooms, my chest tightened. I’d told Aimee she’d never have her James back. It had already been almost two years, and I was convinced I’d be this way permanently. I’d always be Carlos. But it was nine days ago when the full impact of my condition had barely carved its hole in my chest. I understood now there were no guarantees. I could remain as Carlos for the rest of my days or wake up as James tomorrow. It all depended when my mind was ready to deal with the trauma that had triggered my condition.

“When I stop being me, you’re all they’ll have.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Natalya said.

“But it can. It’s a real possibility that it will. I don’t trust anyone in the Donato family, so how can I trust the man I should be? I don’t know what I was like. I could be just like Thomas, or that other brother he told me about—Phil. The one who’d sexually assaulted Aimee. I don’t want someone like that anywhere near my kids, let alone raising them.”

“How can you talk like that? You and James are the same person. Same body, same heart.”

“But not the same mind.”

“You have the same soul.” She rested a hand over my heart and I clamped it to my chest with my own. “I can’t believe James would do anything to hurt them. You’ll love them as James just as much as you love them as you.”

“I wish I had your faith.”

She splayed her fingers on my chest. “Maybe you will someday. Until then, how can I help? What can I do to put your mind at ease?”

“I want you to adopt my sons.”

She jerked back. “What?”

“You heard me.”

She stared hard at me. I stared back. “You’re serious.”

“Very. I want you to raise them should something happen to me.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Yes, I’m drunk, and yes, I know exactly what I’m asking. You’re their aunt. Julian is more related to you than to me, and Marcus adores you. It makes perfect sense.”

“It makes absolutely no sense,” she objected. “I live in Hawaii. You expect me to take your sons away from you, the only father they’ve known, when you’re still alive?”

“But I won’t beme.” I gripped her hand. “I won’t know who they are, and there’s a very good chance I couldn’t care less about them, not to mention the danger they might be exposed to if James takes them back to the States. I’d rather have them living with you in Hawaii than in California with the Donato family.”

Natalya slid her hand from mine and stood. “I leave early in the morning. Can I think about this?”

I groaned, frustrated. Then I nodded. “Take your time. We’ll talk in a couple weeks.” She’d be back for the holidays.

She leaned over me, her face less than a foot from mine. She cupped my cheek. “You should think about this, too. You may feel differently tomorrow.”

I doubted I would.

She kissed my forehead and I clasped the back of her neck, urging her lips to linger longer on my skin. She lifted her head a few inches and caressed my cheek with her thumb. “Take care of your boys, Carlos. And take care of yourself.”

“That hasn’t been an easy task lately.”

“I know. But try. I’ll be in my room downstairs if you need me, otherwise I’ll see you in the morning.” She moved to the door, her bare feet a whisper across the floor. “Good night,” she said.

“Good night, Nat.”

CHAPTER 5

JAMES

Present Day

June 22

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