Page 40 of Not My Fault

Gus is waiting for me back on the couch. A cup of steaming tea in a mug and my bagel with cream cheese wait on the coffee table. I take a seat next to Gus and sigh.

“I swear this is the last thing I’ll ask for, but could you help me brush my hair? I don’t wanna get the knots out myself,” I admit.

“Of course.” They nod, taking the pink brush from me.

I sit on the edge of the couch, and they sit to the side of me. Taking a handful of my wet, blonde hair, they start to brush gently. I don’t think they’ll get many knots out that way, but somehow, it’s working. Gus takes their time in each section until it’s easy to swipe the brush through. I take bites of my bagel as they work, and I’m impressed. I need to get the name of this bagel place, for sure. Gus’s hands are soft and tactile as they run through my hair. I can feel the warmth of their palms as they brush out each knot. It’s euphoric, the way they work meticulously.

“I think I got them all,” Gus says as they finish. I touch my hair, and it feels brand new.

“Thank you.” I smile.

Gus nods and puts the brush on the coffee table. I finish my last bite of bagel and have a sip of my now lukewarm tea. It’s justsweet enough, exactly as I like it. Knowing Georgie, she probably made a video instruction manual of how to make it the way I like.

“Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” Gus asks.

“Maybe we can listen to some music?” I suggest. I’m kind of tired and I don’t think I can stay awake for a whole movie.

“Sure, do you want me to play something on my phone?” they ask, raising an eyebrow at me.

“No, I have a record player. You can look through my album collection. I have more but they’re in storage for now.” I point to the wall full of records and the player on display on its shelf.

“Got it.” Gus nods and looks through the albums carefully.

I know I don’t need to worry, Gus handles everything with care. They choose one, take it out of its sleeve, and place it on the turntable. I relax as the familiar song fills the air. I haven’t listened to this one in a while but it is an old favorite of mine.

“I’m shocked you have this; it’s my favorite song” Gus admits.

“This is your favorite song?!” I gasp. “Lovefool” by The Cardigans is not a common song by any means, and it definitely doesn’t seem like Gus’s typical music.

“Yeah, it’s like, vintage and cute. I don’t know why but it always puts me in a good mood.” They smile.

“That’s how I feel too.”

Gus sits back down, and I move a little closer. I’m inching over when Gus pulls me into their arms. They wrap one arm around my shoulders and tap their other hand on the arm of the couch, and I feel relaxed. I ease into the music and shut my eyes. I can smell Gus’s scent, some kind of perfume/cologne that smells more outdoorsy than you’d expect. It’s elegant with some sort of beach vibe. Gus taps along with the song, even humming, and I sing along quietly. I don’t like singing when I’m not on stage. I’m always worried it won’t sound good or people will start to ask for requests like I’m some DJ. But instead, Gus gets quietand lets me sing. I know I don’t need to keep going, but I want to. The song repeats itself and I slowly drift into sleep.

When I wake, the record player is still playing the song. Gus is twirling my blonde hair around their thumb and pointer finger. My eyes flutter open and Gus is looking down at me with dark brown eyes. I’ve seen them before, but the way they look at me feels more intimate than before.

I start to wonder if this is starting to feel more real to them too. Maybe it isn’t in my head, and we aren’t just faking things anymore. Maybe Gus and I actually aresomething. I mentally shake my head; I can’t let my feelings run wild just because they took care of me when I was sick. They’re a good friend, a great friend, but that is all. The keyword there wasfriend. I should know better than to get involved with someone I can’t avoid. It isn’t like if I told Gus how I feel and they don’t feel the same that we can go our separate ways. And I don’t even want that anymore. We’ve grown to be there for each other. My days feel better when I talk to them. I can’t imagine having to give that up if I go and ruin it all.

“Sleep good?” Gus asks, noticing I’m awake.

“Mmm.” I nod. “What time is it?”

“Just after one, you slept about two hours,” Gus says, looking at their watch.

“Why didn’t you wake me? I’m sorry.” I rush to get off their lap, but Gus stops me.

“It’s okay, I’m glad you got a nice nap,” they reassure me.

I sit up and look at the cup of tea that has now definitely gone cold. Gus stretches their arm as I move off it and I wait for the feelings to leave. For the butterflies to fly back home. To not feel the way I do in this moment. But as Gus looks at me with soft, kind eyes, the butterflies set up camp for their new home.

TWENTY

Gus

Two weeks after Emily’s scare, everything is back to normal. She only had to cancel one show, and she was back on stage for the next performance scheduled. She even made sure everyone who missed her show was given VIP tickets for any upcoming show they could make it to. The only downfall was we didn’t have much time to be alone since then. Viv was constantly having us do press and interviews about how her time off was good for our relationship. I was even given things I was supposed to say instead of leaving everything to Emily. It was a little chaotic, but I was glad things were getting back to normal. So when Emily asks to hang out tonight, I say yes without thinking about it.

EMILY: I was thinking we could try this new Thai place?

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