Page 38 of Not My Fault

In the morning, I feel like I’m on routine mode. I’m going through the motions but all I am is worried about Emily. I know logically that she’s okay and if something happens, Georgie will call me. But finding her last night is still fresh in my mind. I’ve never really worried about things like that before. I haveanxiety like most people, but it’s more about getting pushed on the Subway tracks or a gunman somewhere thanks to our country’s lack of gun laws. So to be reminded that people aren’t indestructible, it rocks you a little.

I get through most of my day in silence until I reach the girls from last night. They come in with their arms ready to be tattooed with Emily’s words and they are in hysterics.

“I didn’t know if you’d be in today! We saw her get taken away!”

“We were so worried!” they both exclaim.

“She’s okay now,” I say. I’m not trying to divulge too much to anyone. It isn’t my place to share her medical news.

“Is she home? She cancelled her tour dates for the rest of the week!”

“She’s been instructed to rest and when she feels better, she’ll be back to work,” I say reassuringly. I don’t want anyone starting rumors about where she might be or what’s wrong with her. And she definitely isn’t cancelling the rest of her tour; she just needs to take it easy this week.

It seems to satisfy them, and they realize they will not be getting much out of me. By the time I’m done tattooing them, I realize it’s time to head home. I pop my head in River’s office before I go.

“I got something for LU-Emily. We all wanted to chip in, but we hoped you could give it to her?” River pulls out a small basket and hands it to me.

“What’s in it?” I ask.

“A spa treatment gift card to the place Aspen and I like to go, a romance novel about a lesbian singer, some lotions and face masks, and a gift card for DoorDash. We didn’t know what she likes to eat or if she’s allergic to anything so we figured that was the way to go food wise.” River smiles.

“That’s so thoughtful, thank you. I’m sure she’ll love it.”

“I’m not asking to be nosey, and it’ll stay between us, but is she okay?” I know River is asking from a place of care but I don’t want to risk it so I just nod.

“It’s not my place to say more. But yeah, she’s okay. And I appreciate the time off this week; Georgie and I don’t want her to be alone,” I explain.

“No worries, if there’s anything I can do when you’re out let me know. I hope she gets better.” River smiles and I head out for the night.

In the morning, I’m up at the crack of dawn; no like, literally at six a.m. It’s so early, it’s still dark outside until after I’m done with my shower. I still don’t know why people get up this early every day, or by choice. But I have a mission to get a few things done before I’m expected at Emily’s house at 9 a.m. Georgie leaves for work then, and I need to be there so she can let me in. She texted last night saying it was probable Emily would still be sleeping when I get there. She isn’t a morning person either, I guess. So Georgie will let me in and I’ll hang out in the living room until Emily gets up. Emily and Georgie agree that if I don’t hear her breathing or see a sign of life by noon, I’m to go in her bedroom and check on her.

But before I get to that, I stop at the gluten-free bagel place I found online last night. It’s on the Upper West side, which of course isn’t on my way to Em’s at all. But I want to bring her something I know she will eat. I also stop at the drugstore nearby to grab a few random things. Muscle cream, extra strength Tylenol, electrolyte drink, and her favorite candy. I did somegoogling since her cyst ruptured and there isn’t much I can do, but if she’s sore or hurting, I’ll be prepared.

The scary thing the internet said is this is a common symptom. I don’t know much about PCOS; I have my own thoughts about having a uterus. I’ll eventually get mine removed but it’s on the list of things I’ll do when I don’t hate going to the doctor. But to know Emily’s was punishing her in all these ways I didn’t realize feels shitty. She can get cysts at any time, and they can just burst like last night or go away on their own. They can also get large enough to need surgery, but for the most part there isn’t much you can do.

I’m at Emily’s apartment by 8:55 a.m. with my ID in hand to show the front desk. It’s a fancy building and Georgie says the security is tight. Once my ID clears and they buzz Georgie to say I’m here, I’m escorted to an elevator. I’m not allowed to touch the buttons myself, and I have a feeling this person will stay with me until Georgie invites me in. Personally, I love all the extra measures in place to keep them safe.

“You’re right on time, Emily’s still sleeping. I usually make her a cup of tea if I want her to get up. She’s not taking pain medicine or anything, but she’s been sleeping a lot. Her door is cracked so you can listen in to make sure she’s like, alive. I’m going to peek in and let her know you’re here,” Georgie says as she puts on an earring after answering the door.

“Got it. I brought bagels—Gluten-free but I swear they taste the same,” I say. I was too hungry on the train not to try one. I’m actually impressed at the quality.

“She’s going to love that. You can set it on the counter. If you need the fridge for anything, go ahead. The bathroom is down the hall to the left, by the way, and her bedroom is to the right,” Georgie says before disappearing down the hall.

I can hear her whispering to someone as I set the bagels down. I don’t want the cream cheese going bad, so I put it in thefridge and wash my hands. Georgie comes out five minutes later in a different outfit with a bag on her shoulder.

“Call me if you need anything. Work knows I’ll have my phone on.” She smiles. “I feel like I’m leaving my kid with a nanny or something.” She laughs.

“Don’t worry, I know the poison control number and CPR,” I joke.

“You do?” She looks surprised.

“A lot of people pass out when getting tattoos. I’ve only had to use it once, but it’s a good skill to have.” I shrug. Georgie nods and slips on her shoes before I lock the door behind her.

Heading down the hall, I investigate where Emily’s room is. I can hear her breathing and snoring lightly, so I relax a bit. It feels weird being in someone else’s home when they were asleep, but it isn’t like I can do anything. Georgie and I know Emily doesn’t need anyone watching her. But we also both care about her too much to leave her alone right now. And Emily knows better than to argue with us. So I plop on the couch and scroll on my phone for a bit. I have my iPad with me too, in case I want to draw any tattoos. I can check the schedule and see if I have any custom appointments coming up and get ahead.

“Good morning; sorry I look like a bum.” Emily waves coming around the corner.

She’s wearing a long pink robe that falls to the floor; it looks cottony and fluffy. Her hair is in a mess on top of her head, somehow still in the same hairstyle as the other night. She’s only wearing a long T-shirt under the robe, with the possibility of wearing tiny shorts. It’s the first time I’m seeing her without any makeup, but you’d never know it. She looks just as beautiful as she always does. The only difference is her usual smile and radiance are replaced by sleepiness. She rubs her eyes, and I smile.

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