Page 34 of Not My Fault

The opening act ends, so there’s a five-minute break where I go pee before Emily comes on stage. When I get back, everyone’s in their seats. Which makes me realize the only empty seat was next to…Cari. I have a feeling this isn’t a coincidence. Max is on the other side, sitting next to Aspen. I guess Cari isn’t going to make this easy on herself. Clearly, I underestimated how jealous she would get. My plan with Emily is clearly backfiring and going to blow up in my face soon. I don’t know how Emily feels in all of this but I know I’m done trying to make Cari jealous.

“HOW ARE WE DOING TONIGHT, NEW YORK?!” Emily shouts into her bedazzled microphone, and the crowd goes insane. I take my seat next to Cari, but I’m on my feet shouting her stage name.

Emily starts singing and the entire place is singing along. Cari is trying to dance with me, but I subtly ignore her. I’m enjoying my girl’s show and that’s all I’m going to do. For most of the concert, I manage to ignore Cari. I’m in the zone, singing with Emily, and she’s looking over here as much as she can. I don’t know if she can actually see me or not, but I have my eyes locked on her. She’s flashed the crowd a few times and I thought maybe I’d be jealous, but I’m mostly turned on.

Cari shouts something but I can’t hear her that well, so I turn to look at her. She takes my face in her hands and pulls me in for a kiss. For a brief second, I’m reunited with familiarity until I realize what’s happening.

“What the hell?” I pull back, eyes wide.

Immediately, I turn my attention to Emily up on stage. At first, I’m sure there’s no way she could’ve seen that, but now I’m not sure. She’s been looking over here most of the concert and now she won’t even look in this general direction. My attention is quickly back on Cari, who looks shocked that I pulled away from her. Maybe a few months ago I would’ve been happy with that. A public display and a hint of how she might be feelingabout me. But right now? I’m fucking pissed. What the hell is she doing? I shake my head and race away from her.

“Gus!” Cari calls after me and is by my side in seconds.

“What?” I spit. I can’t believe she has the audacity to do that, or that she thinks following me is a good idea.

“I-I’m sorry.” She’s taken aback by my anger. She somehow thought I’d be into that kiss.

“I’m with Emily. I don’t know how many fucking times I can say it.”

“B-But I thought… you used to want me. You said you’d wait for me,” she says firmly.

“I did, and I did wait. But you never chose me, and I moved on. I urge you to do the same,” I say angrily.

“I-I thought being with you would make Max jealous. And at first it did, but then you moved on and I didn’t know what to do. I thought if I kissed you tonight, I’d get her back. I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t realize how serious you and Emily are.”

“Do you not realize how fucked that is? You used me to get someone who will never choose you. You chose someone who will always put you last instead of someone who will put you first and choose you every time. I’m done with your drama, Cari. I don’t want it, and you better not have fucked up my relationship with Emily. You need to take a good, hard, look at yourself because honestly, the last thing you should be doing right now is dating.” I scoff.

Before she has a chance to reply, I continue from the VIP section to backstage. Emily said my name was everywhere, so I need to get to her first tonight. I don’t know if she actually saw what happened or not, but I need to clear things up. I won’t keep this from her. I know we’ve been saying this whole thing isn’t real, and maybe at first that was true. But at some point, things changed. Our feelings for each other are real. We need tobe together for real. Which means putting all the lies behind us. I can’t ignore this.

“Name?” a security guard with a clipboard asks as I reach the entrance to backstage.

“Augustus Russo,” I say. He nods and unlocks the door next to him.

I go through the lit path all the way to the side of the stage. I can’t remember which side she’s going to come out of, but I have a fifty-fifty shot and I need to reach her first. I hang on stage right and try to catch her attention. Maybe if she sees me, she’ll come over here regardless. Unless she’s so pissed at me that she’s going to have me removed. You never really know, it could go either way.

Emily’s singing never wavers; the crowd is going wild, and I can just about make out the VIP section from where I am. With all the lights and everything, it might be possible Emily didn’t see a thing. Taking that chance, I try to get her attention. Waving from the side of the stage doesn’t seem to work so as she stops to take a sip of water, I shout her name. Well, her stage name. She doesn’t look, so I call her again, and this time she does. Her eyes widen in surprise and then she goes back to singing. I don’t know what it means but at least she knows I’m here.

I can feel my heart beating out of my chest as I wait to face the music. My palms are sweaty as I think about what’s to come. Emily doesn’t deserve to be cheated on, even if it is a fake relationship. I want to give her everything because she deserves that much. I try to calm my breathing by listening to her sing. I close my eyes and only listen to the lyrics and breathe in and out, only opening them again when I feel better.

SEVENTEEN

Emily

After a show, the only thing I want to do is drink six bottles of water and smoke a blunt. But as I cross into backstage and see Gus waiting for me, I know it’s very unlikely I’ll get either of those. I’m not surprised to see them backstage. As soon as I saw Cari and them kissing, I figured there would be a conversation. I just figured I had more time before they were going to break up with me. I know we promised to stay together for six months, but I guess they want out. I’m not about to force them to stay or anything. They hand me a bottle of water and follow me into my dressing room. My team is in there, but I ask for the room and they clear out.

“I wanted to talk,” Gus starts.

“Go for it.” I’m being short, and I know I don’t have a leg to stand on, but this sucks.

“I don’t know if you saw, but Cari kissed me.”

“Oh, I saw.” I top off a second bottle of water.

“I had a feeling. But I just want to say?—”

“Look, I’ll give you an out. If you’re done with us, with this”—I motion between us—“then you can have an out. No hard feelings.”

“What? That’s not what I want.” Gus looks at me like I’ve grown three heads.

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