Page 88 of Where Happiness Begins
I’ll never be able to repay her. I’ll never be able to repay Frank either, but she’s probably the person I’ve wronged the most, and I didn’t even spare her one thought.
I read over the line again, then look at the phone number below.
I don’t consciously make the decision to call. I just know the longer I stare at those twenty-one words, the more obvious it becomes. The chances of us being a match are slim to none. I’d probably start believing in fate if we were.
But just for the infinitesimal chance it might work?
I dial the number.
Chapter 35
Isleep through most of the following twenty-four hours.
My nephrologist isn’t certain of what is going on with me, so they’re running some more tests. According to them, it could be something benign, or it could also be a sign of organ rejection. The worst part of it is I’m not even that worried. After everything that happened yesterday, it feels as if I’m numb and nothing else can shock me. Too many betrayals will do that to a person. I wouldn’t be surprised if my body was turning on me again, too.
The moments I’m not asleep, I stare at the wall, mind reeling. It’s a gift every time a nurse comes in to poke or prod me. The physical pain distracts me, if only for a few minutes. And then they leave, and I’m back to being alone with my thoughts in this cold hospital room I’ve spent way too much of my life in.
I never tried to put a face on my donor. When I got the call that I’d had a match a few months after Dad died, I felt infinitely grateful to the person who was giving me an organ, alive or dead, but it never occurred to me to try to find out who I’d received the kidney from, first because I literally couldn’t, but also because it didn’t matter. Sure, I asked myself some questions here and there, but I always thought the least I could do after they gave me thegreatest gift was to leave them in their well-deserved anonymity. I didn’t want to know if it was a living donor, and even if I had known, I would’ve assumed it was a random match. Never would I have guessed that someone would’ve voluntarily gotten tested to see if they were a match, save for my father and my best friends, who’d all done it already.
The irony that Carter of all people was a match isn’t lost on me. The person who I thought saved me by marrying me had actually already saved my life once, for reasons I’m still not clear on, and then decided to keep me in the dark, also for reasons I cannot understand. I can’t think of a single good one.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
I twist in the direction of the door at the sound of Finn’s voice from the hallway, heart launching. I ended up texting him earlier today to let him know I was in the hospital, and when he asked if Carter was with me, I simply said that he wasn’t, and that he wouldn’t be in the future either.
I need to see Finn. He’s probably the only person who could make me feel better right now. I didn’t want to worry him with this initially, but then I thought that my kidney might be failing, and I couldn’t handle that news alone. I just couldn’t.
“I need to know she’s okay.”
My chest hollows at that rough voice, tears immediately springing to my eyes. Is it crazy that I miss him already, despite everything? That even after all I’ve learned, he’s the one I want beside me?
Get a grip.
What is he even doing here? Hours have passed since I kicked him out of my room.
“You need to go,” Finn says, the door separating us dimming his voice.
“I’m not leaving until I know she’s okay.”
I bring my knees to my chest, wishing I wasn’t hearing this but also straining my ears so I don’t miss a word.
Finn’s voice gets lower as he says, “I told you what would happen if you hurt her.” I can almost imagine the scene, Finn in Carter’s face, the two men breathing hard.
“You can hit me. I deserve it. But I’m not leaving.” A couple of strained words ensue, but as hard as I try, I can’t hear them.
“She doesn’t want to fucking see you.” I didn’t tell Finn that, but I’m thankful he assumed so. I can’t see Carter. Not now.
“I know. I won’t force myself in. But I’m also not leaving my wife until I know she’s all right.”
I bite the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood.
“Your wife.” He snickers, then mutters a string of expletives I don’t all catch. Finally, he says, “Whatever.” A second later, the door to my room opens, and I only get a flash of the pain twisting Carter’s rugged features before Finn closes the door behind him.
“Lil. Shit. What happened?”
I don’t have the strength to say it out loud. It’s one thing to hear it, but another to explain the way I’ve been lied to. The way I don’t even know how to feel about this donation that both saved my life and in some way ruined the best thing I ever had.
Finn seems to understand this because he steps closer, and the second he takes me into his arms, I break down.
