Page 78 of Where Happiness Begins
“I’m not. I’m being honest.”
I can’t with this man. He is everything.
“I was with him for three whole years. Gave him all I had, tried everything to make him see me as someone worthy of him, and he never even considered a future with me. And I was dumb enough to stay.” It doesn’t matter that he gave me so many mixed signals and led me on. I should’ve seen that he’d never truly love me, that he’d stayed with me out of pity. I should’ve been smarter. I shake my head, turning my phone off. “This is embarrassing. I’m sorry. Please go on.” I try to put his hand back on the guitar so we can pretend this moment never happened, but he doesn’t cooperate.
“It’s embarrassing for him, honey, not for you.”
“Sure,” I say, wanting to get it over with. In fact, I’d very much like to go to bed and move on from this crappy moment. That Greg decides to get married to another girl is one thing, but thateveryone treats me with kid gloves, thinking I’m about to break down, makes it so much worse. I hate when people see me like some fragile thing that needs to be handled with care. It’s probably how Greg saw me too. I was too frail for him to leave when he wanted to but too delicate to imagine a real future with.
I get up, but he stops me with a soft hand around my wrist. “I’m not done. He’s the dumbass for having someone like you and letting you go.”
I smile at him. He truly is the best.
“I’m being serious. I don’t even think you realize how fucking out of this world you are.”
“Being the messy girl with no health insurance and stable job that I am?” I say with a laugh that isn’t returned.
Carter shakes his head, grabbing my other wrist so he can pull me in front of him. “You’re killing me with this. Every step of the way, people tried to knock you down, but you’re still here. Don’t you see?” His eyes burn, speckles of yellow blending with the dark green. “There’s nothing more impressive than this. Life worked against you and youstillmade it.”
I don’t want to cry. I really don’t, but he’s making this damn near impossible. I don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear those words, fighting day in and day out, crawling myself out of dark holes and sinuous roads that felt endless and always trying to do it with a smile because things could be worse. I’m so thankful for everything I have, but there are days when I’m so exhausted, I don’t know how topull myself out of bed.
And he’s seen it all. Past the walls, past the barbed wire smiles, right to my core. And I can’t even be mad at it because it feels so good to be seen entirely, the good, the bad, and the ugly all revealed. Nowhere to hide.
When a treacherous tear slips from my eye, Carter gets to his feet and wipes my cheekbone with a delicate thumb before he wraps me in a hug that feels like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be.
Against his chest, I whisper, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you utter so many words in a row.”
He huffs a laugh, then pulls my head even closer to him. “Shut up and hug me.”
That I can do. Forever if I need to.
Chapter 32
“Iswear I’m almost ready!”
I’m not sure Carter believes me as he leans against the bathroom doorway with his arms crossed, watching me brush my hair frantically as I try to put socks on.
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he says, voice dripping with humor.
“I don’t want to be late.” I have the nasty habit of getting lost in my tasks and forgetting to get ready until the last minute, which means the eggplant lasagna I decided to make from scratch at 5:00 p.m. left me in a rush to get dressed and tame my hair.
“I think your friends will understand if you get there five minutes late instead of coming on time but concussed.”
I give him the stink eye as I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth. Maybe I’m also jittery because I’m excited for tonight. Since Lexie and Finn aren’t going on their honeymoon in Italy for a few months, they invited Aaron, Wren, Carter, and me for a game night to celebrate once more. I was afraid to ask Carter at first since this seemed like the last thing on earth he’d want to attend, but he surprised me by saying yes. Maybe he did becauseit was so obvious I was desperate for him to accept the invitation, but I’m happy all the same.
Carter doesn’t move from his spot in the doorway, looking hot as sin in his usual dark jeans and short-sleeved T-shirt showing off all those beautiful tattoos. Now that I’ve gotten to see them from up close, I’m even more awestruck. He explained each of their meanings to me one evening over dinner, from references to movies that shaped him—the pickaxe was a callback to Shawshank Redemption—to doodles he’d seen the tattoo artist make and liked. Ropes and vine are intertwined between the pieces, making them all appear to be part of one big masterpiece. I try to look away from him, but I can’t find the strength to do so, and the smirk he gives me tells me he knows it too well.
I finally get myself to turn back toward the sink to spit, and I jump when I realize the toothbrush I’m holding is blue, not purple.
“Oh my God,” I say, dropping it to the counter like it’s a ticking bomb.
“What? What’s wrong?” Carter says, now by my side.
“I used your toothbrush by accident. I’m so sorry.”
I lean down to grab a new one from the cupboard while Carter rinses the old one, but when I straighten up, I find him with the blue toothbrush in his mouth.
“What are you doing?” I gasp, going to grab it from him.
