Page 23 of Where Happiness Begins
“Feels like you have something in mind,” I say cautiously.
Lexie waggles her dark brows. “How’s it going with the husband?”
I hold my sigh in. While doing wedding prep with Lexie has been a good distraction from my own life, she’s brought me right back to one of the things I’d like to stop thinking about.
“It’s…fine,” I say, continuing to fluff the roses in the new bouquet I’ve started.
Lexie grabs the bouquet from my hands and throws it to the other end of the table.
“Hey!” I shout.
“They’re plastic. It’s fine.” She leans forward so I can’t escape her intimidating gaze. “Now tell me the truth.”
This time, I can’t hold off the long exhale. “It’s been kind of horrible.”
Lexie’s body tenses. “What does that mean exactly?”
“No,” I say, “nothing, like,badbad. Just…we don’t talk.”
“Okay…?”
“Like, at all.” I get up and walk to the pantry, then start pulling out ingredients by muscle memory. If Lexie won’t keep me distracted with wedding prep, then I’ll find a way to do it myself. I already cooked a white bean curry this morning for dinner, but I need more than that. “And it’s not like I don’t try. Every time he walks in, I try to make conversation, to get him to eat with me, to get to know him, but he always gives me one-word answers and then disappears downstairs.”
“I’m not sure I’m following,” Lexie says, still seated at the table. “That’s a problem because…?”
“Because I guess…” Her question runs around in my mind until finally, the real reason I’m disappointed about this dawns on me. “I guess I might have been looking for more out of this arrangement than I thought.”
“Oh, Lil,” Lexie says, watching me with a pity I don’t like. “Were you hoping that you two would, like, fall in love?”
I roll my eyes as I pour some flour into a mixing bowl, not measuring exact quantities but going with the feel of things. Life’s too short to follow a recipe perfectly. “Don’t be dumb. Of course I didn’t.” I bring the flour back to the pantry, then pause there. “But maybe I did hope we could form some sort of…friendship? Companionship?”
The truth is, I’ve been feeling so incredibly alone in this house. I do love it and all the memories it holds, but ever since I lost Dad,it feels like the ghost of him haunts all the empty corners. The more time passes, the more I notice everything I lost. In accepting Carter’s offer, I realize I’d thought this emptiness could lessen with someone else there to converse with, but the only thing it’s achieved is make me notice my loneliness even more. Obviously, I hadn’t told that to Finn or Lexie because they’d make it their mission to make me their third wheel in order for me to never be alone, but that’s the last thing I want. I love my friends, but they have their life, and I want them to keep it. I just wanted to have someone to keep me company too, even if it came in the form of someone who doesn’t talk much and who seems to be in a sour mood twenty-four seven.
“And did you tell him that?” Lexie asks.
I shake my head. “I hoped my attempts at talking to him every single day would be good enough.”
“He’s a guy,” Lexie says. “Obviously, that’s not enough. You need to be clearer.”
“So what do you suggest? That I go to him and ask him if he wants to be my friend like a second grader?”
Lexie shrugs. “Finn did that.”
Of course he did. That’s exactly the type of thing Finn would do—when he’s not acting like a neanderthal, that is.
“Not sure Carter would like that as much as you did,” I say, adding one too many chocolate chips in my cookie mix.
“I didn’t like it at first, but it grew on me,” Lexie says, smiling in a way that lets me believe she’s reminiscing on the way they met. “You’ve got nothing to lose.”
“I guess.” Before I can add anything else, the front door opens and in comes Carter, an old backpack slung over his shoulder. He looks up quickly, and when he sees the two of us, his lips grimace in what I assume is a small smile before he escapes from our sight.
“Hey!” Lexie shouts, getting to her feet.
Carter steps back into view, looking even less comfortable now than he was three seconds ago.
“Wanted to introduce myself. I’m Lexie,” she says as she hands him her hand.
“The one who’s going to kick my ass?” Carter says, forcing a snicker to escape me. His eyes quickly flit to mine, and I’d swear I see a spark in the dark green.
