Page 13 of Where Happiness Begins

“Finally time you join the club,” I say with a fake smile.

“For Carter?”

We both turn toward the clerk standing between the now-open set of doors, a file held between her hands. Her dark hair is falling down in braids around the shoulders of her suit jacket.

“We’re ready for you,” she says.

So this is it.

I’m not sure I’d find the strength to get up if I didn’t have Carter’s hand on me, squeezing my knee once before he gets upas if he knows how badly I want to disappear right now. It’s just enough to bring me back to my senses. I have no choice but to do this. It’s what makes sense.

With the two of them staring down at me, I get to my feet. Then we follow her inside the courtroom, and when she gives me a warm smile, I can’t even get myself to return it, politeness be damned.

As we walk toward the dais at the front of the boring room, Carter leans toward my ear and whispers, “For someone who said we had to be subtle, you look like someone being forced down the aisle at gunpoint.”

I send him a glare. Just because he’s right doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Once we finally reach the front of the room and the clerk gets behind the dais, I force my best “I’m-so-in-love” face on and even go as far as grabbing Carter’s hands in mine. He lifts a brow in surprise at my touch, and I respond with a raise of my own. He asked for it. And if he’s uncomfortable with my touch, all the better.

“I’m Belinda,” the clerk says. “I’ll be the one marrying you today.” She looks genuinely happy to be doing this. “Did you have any music you wanted to use or decorations you wanted to put up?”

I shake my head. “No. We didn’t plan anything else.” Then I look at Carter and try to infuse as much affection in my eyes as I can. “We just wanted to be married as soon as possible.”

“That’s great,” she says, and while she smiles, her eyes dart to my belly. “Let’s start then.” She clears her throat, then looks down ather documents. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Andrew Carter and Lilianne DiLorenzo.”

A sudden clench around my hands makes me turn to Carter, whose complexion has suddenly turned ghostly white. His pupils are wide as he stares at a random spot behind me. I guess hearing my full name for the first time made him realize just how real this is. In fact, I’m not sure I ever told him my first name. When I requested the marriage license and made the appointment for today, I had to see his ID, so I got to know his full name, but he never had the chance to do the same.

While I found his previous casualness annoying, I don’t like seeing him uncomfortable either. It’s as if one of us needs to be calm if we’re to make it through this, and since that person can’t be me, he can’t go into a tailspin.

As the clerk continues speaking, going over what marriage means and what vows we need to promise to each other, I squeeze Carter’s hands once. They’re cold and clammy between mine, and even when I repeat my action, it doesn’t make him react.

In the end, it takes me subtly stepping on his foot to bring him out of his anxiety trance. Wincing, his head spins my way.

“You good?” I mouth as Belinda mentions the legalities of marriage in Vermont.

He pauses before nodding.

All righty, then.

Our attention returns to Belinda, and soon, we’re asked to repeat the vows she recites. I start off, doing so in some detached way, not even absorbing the words I’m saying. That is, untilit’s Carter’s turn to do so. The moment he begins talking, my focus lands on him and remains there.

“I, Andrew Carter,” he repeats after Belinda, jaw tight, “take you…” His chest puffs with a breath. “Take you, Lilianne DiLorenzo, to be my lawfully wedded wife.” Even though I’m burning up, the way he speaks the words makes goose bumps appear on my arms. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to notice as he promises to love and cherish me, to have and to hold me in sickness and in health, and to do so until death do us part.

I’ve never felt more like a fraud.

Belinda proceeds to make us sign the legal papers, and I try to keep my mind blank as I write my name on the line. Carter does the same next to me, and when his arm brushes mine, it makes my breath hitch. I’m too on edge.

“Great. You may now exchange your rings.”

My eyes round as I stare at Carter. Oh God. How did I forget the rings?

The second he lets go of my hands, I feel a loss of warmth, and for some reason, I want it back. I’m not sure why holding on to him makes me feel better, but it does. I need him to center me in all this craziness.

And when I notice the plain gold band he pulls out of his front pocket, I die a little inside.

“I completely forgot—” I start.

“It’s fine,” he says, not even looking at Belinda but only at me as he grabs my left hand and slides the delicate ring onto my fourthfinger. I don’t know how he did it, but it’s the perfect fit, and as simple as it is, it looks beautiful.

---