Page 100 of Where Happiness Begins
“Give me false hope.”
My breath catches, but just as I go to answer, the band moves into the next song of the set, which is a ballad they rarely play, one that always makes me emotional for some reason.
Hoping he’ll see this as an answer, I hold out my hand. “Will you dance with me?”
There’s still something like fear in his gaze, but after a moment of hesitation, he nods, then moves to take my hand, watching it like it’s a treasure trove before slowly sliding his fingers between mine. His touch feels like a tentative caress, and the simple glide of the pads of his fingers against my palm makes my body tingle. He squeezes my hand once, then tightens his grip as he pulls my body flush to his. My free arm wraps around his shoulders and neck, making me arch my back so I can keep looking at him while his other hand falls against my side to land on my hips, a position that’s safe but that still sends thrilling memories rushing past.
As we slowly sway back and forth to the music, I absorb the lyrics, my eyes closing at the feel of Carter’s body against me after all these days of wanting from afar, Ethan’s voice crooning about finding true love. I know we need to talk, but I want another minute of simply enjoying his presence.
“I love that song,” I say against his collarbone. He’s wearing a white dress shirt, unbuttoned at the collar to give a perfect view of his Adam’s apple and the top of his chest. His skin smells so good it almost hurts.
“Yeah?”
“One of my favorites of theirs.” If everything goes according to plan, it should be featured on Crash & Burn’s second album, the one they’re almost done recording. They first played it on tour last July, and I couldn’t help my tears. The lyrics, the melody… It all spoke to me.
“It’s mine, actually.”
I look up. “What?”
“I, um, I wrote it. Play on it too, on the record.”
I stammer something as I bring my attention to the music once more, even looking back at the scene to make sure I’m not imagining things.
I could fight it, but it’s true
From the start, it had to be you
I turn back to Carter, blinking fast. “W-when did you write this?”
His thumb traces a pattern on my hip bone, a small movement that redirects all my nerve endings to that exact spot. “A long time ago.”
My eyes well up, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the thought that time and time again, he’s proven his love to me, and my self-doubt is what got the best of me, or maybe it’s just the fact that, just like the song says, it always had to be him.
“I threw away the papers.”
He misses a step. “What?”
“Burned them, actually. Before coming here.”
“I don’t…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, studying me like I’m a complex theorem.
“I’m ready, Andy.”
He blinks rapidly, love transforming his expression, his very features. How did I ever doubt this was real?
“I can’t stay away anymore.” I lick my lips. “Don’t want to, actually.”
His hands become firmer around me as if he needs to make sure I’m real, that I’m not going anywhere.
“Tell me again how you feel about me.” I curl a hand over his cheek, the stubble rough under my palm. “Tell me again, and I promise I’ll say it back this time.”
He remains silent, but his face is alive with emotion, with questions and answers.
“Or actually, don’t,” I say. “Because the way I feel about you has nothing to do with how you feel about me.”
Carter stops moving, keeping us still in a wave of swaying bodies, Ethan’s melodic voice blanketing us.
“I love you not because you love me but because you’reyou, and that was the only thing I needed to fall in love.” I shrug. “When I picture my future, it makes no sense without you in it. You’re my one love, too.” Even if at some point I wished I could’ve fallen for anyone else, there’s no denying it. With his hands on my body andhis presence near me, I feel like myself again. My lower lip trembles as I add, “For better or for worse, right?”
