Page 76 of Where We Belong

I wait next to the hot tub, but after a while, I realize seeing a man standing in his underwear in the cold might be slightly awkward, so I jump in and settle into the scalding water, willing my heart to calm the fuck down. I’ve seen more naked girls than I can count, for Christ’s sake. This is nothing.

I finally get myself to relax, for a while. The jets against my back and the warmth of the water compared to the iciness of the air make me feel better.

That is, until Lexie appears around the house and makes my heart drop not just out of my body, but down a fucking crater.

I see her in leotards and practice gear all the time, but apparently, that was nothing compared to seeing her in actual underwear, her simple black bra pushing her goosebump-covered breasts up, her arms curved around her muscle-lined abdomen—as if she has anything to hide—and that perfect, tight ass in matching black panties.

Aaaaaand here’s the perv I promised myself not to be.

Clearing my throat, I pretend to find something very interesting in the direction of the pond in the forest, and only when I feel the water ripple around me do I dare steal a glance her way. Thankfully, she’s now submerged in water. Doesn’t help the tent in my boxers, but at least the bubbles are hiding it.

Lexie leans back, and as she closes her eyes, she releases a moan that does nothing to help matters.

Jesus Christ, Finn, get a grip.

“God, this feels good.”

“Told you,” I say, hoping she doesn’t notice the strain in my voice.

“Was cold as shit to get here, though. I had to run.”

“Why didn’t you bring a towel?” I ask, just now realizing that damn towel would’ve helped me not get images I’ll never be able to stop seeing when I jack off at night.

“A question I asked myself with every freezing step I took.” Even with just her head exposed, I can see the tension easing out her pores. Calm overtakes her until she starts snickering.

“What?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “Nothing. It just reminded me of one time at a guy’s house I would’ve rather forget.”

Everything in my body hardens, but I try to keep it casual as I ask, “What happened?”

She laughs again. “Don’t judge me, okay? I was pretty wasted.”

As much of a hypocrite as it makes me, I really don’t like the direction in which this is heading.

“I was at this bar in Baton Rouge after a crappy competition a few years ago, and I agreed to go back to this guy’s house, and just as we were starting to…you know…” Her cheeks turn the shade of the Christmas bows adorning the trails on the farm. “His mother walked into his room unexpectedly, and he threw a stinky bath towel on me. I was so embarrassed I left my clothes there and just ran away with his towel.” She covers her face with her palms, still laughing. “God, it’s even worse when I say it out loud.”

I try to laugh with her, I really do, but the only sound that comes out of my mouth is a choked grunt.

Eventually, she removes her hands, and when she sees whatever expression I’m trying but failing to hide, she asks, “What?”

I shake my head.

“Finn, what?”

“Nothing. I just…” I try to work out what it is I’m thinking and feeling in a coherent sentence. “After what happened to you, I didn’t think you’d…”

“Have sex?” she says, a hint of a grin on her lips.

Now it’s my turn to become Christmas-bow red. “I’m sorry, that’s a fucked assumption. I just thought with your aversion to touch—”

“No, you were right in a way, I guess,” she says, making me pin my mouth shut. I don’t want her to feel forced to share, but I also want to give her the space to do so if she feels like it.

“I’m not a virgin,” she says, then adds with an awkward chuckle, “obviously. But more often than not, I feel like Itryto enjoy sex more than I actually enjoy it.”

Bubbles roam around our necks and Lexie seems to settle into them, taking in their warmth as she drags her hands above the white foam. I remain silent.

“You know, even if I don’t know what happened to me, I stillfeelit sometimes. That unwanted touch. And I guess having sex on my own terms has been my way of regaining that power that was stolen from me, no matter how uncomfortable it can feel sometimes.”

---