Page 72 of Where We Belong
“I know.”
“And it’s headed right toward us.”
“I know. What do you think ‘facing death’ means? Playing Risk at home?”
“This is stupid,” I say, my hands trembling in my lap. Still, something keeps me in place. Poor survival instinct, probably.
“Just try to relax. Close your eyes. Feel your breaths.” He’s doing exactly that, his hands now crossed over his belly, beanie-covered head leaned back against the fallen leaves frozen on the ground.
“I feel like that dumb girl in horror movies who goes straight toward the murderer without anything to defend herself with.”
“Not the same thing,” he says. “We’re not dying today. Just getting close to it.”
“Sounds like an incredibly sane plan.”
I try to relax, but the louder the sound of the train becomes, the harder it is to stop myself from bolting out of here. It’s like I hear it in every crevice of my body, a thrum that’s shouting at me to do something.
“I can hear you overthinking from here,” Finn says.
“How areyounot scared?”
“Death doesn’t scare me.”
I turn to him with my brows drawn, but he doesn’t see me, eyes still closed. He’s not lying. I can see it in the looseness in his body, in the soft pulse in his neck.
How is it possible to be so careless about death? The one thing that would end everything?
I don’t have the time to question it because soon, the rattle of the tracks becomes so overwhelming, I can barely hear my own thoughts.
“Is this close enough?” I shout over the din.
“Almost.”
Jesus Christ. I can’t wait much longer. When I open my eyes, I see the train coming toward us at a speed too fast for me to even comprehend. It’s maybe a few hundred yards away.
Finn’s breath tickles my left ear as he says, “See how that feels? That thrill? That anxiety? Take it in. Remember it. And then you’ll see that it’s not the end.”
I try to do as he says, but right now, the only thing I can think about is RUN, YOU DUMB GIRL!
“Finn, I can’t,” I whimper, body tense and ready to bolt.
“Soon, darling. Just hold on a few seconds longer.”
It doesn’t feel like we have that many seconds longer. The air now smells like diesel, almost as if the train itself is whispering at me to get out if I want to live. But now that I’m here, I don’t want to give up, and as scared as I am, I do trust Finn. He wouldn’t hurt me intentionally.
Still doesn’t mean this wasn’t a stupid fucking idea.
“Okay, almost there. I’ll count to three, and on three, you roll to your right.”
My breath is shaky as I nod, my eyes shut firmly. I can’t see. The vibrating ground under me and the eardrum-piercing sound is enough to let me know just how close it is.
“One.”
A sharp horn blares, making me whimper as I stutter.
“Two.”
Wind rushes onto my face, freezing my lashes in place. It’s there, right there…
