Page 64 of Where We Belong
“Of course,” she says before returning her attention to Finn. “You ready soon?”
“Yeah. Meet you out in a sec.”
“All right.” She glances at me. “I’ll see you in two days? Take tomorrow off. My treat.”
“Thank you,” I say with yet another grin. I don’t remember a competition I didn’t win where I smiled this much.
Shelli leaves, and then it’s just Finn and me. Still wearing that smug look, he takes my hands in his and says, “Let me take you on a date.”
“Now?”
“No, dummy, not now. Back home. Whenever you want.”
I don’t even have time to think about whether this is a good idea or not, because then he adds a “Please,” and the decision is made for me.
“Okay.”
Chapter 22
Finn
Idon’tthinkI’veever been this nervous in my life.
It’s almost comical—no, not almost. When Aaron called me this morning and asked me why the fuck I was this much of a babbling mess and I told him the truth, he burst out laughing. According to him, being this much of a wreck because of a date was exactly what I deserved after teasing him endlessly about him and Wren before they got together. Serves me right.
I’m standing in front of the mirror after having switched back and forth between a black dress shirt and a dark gray sweater fifty times. Is a dress shirt too much? Does Lexie want me to be too much?
I change back into the sweater, then examine myself again. I still have the alopecia patch on the top of my head that started appearing the day after Lexie told me she was going to Arizona, and a new one has appeared since, hidden behind my left ear. As I rub a hand over my short hair, I consider putting on a beanie but decide against it. I can’t imagine wearing one in a restaurant would be better than showing my bald patches. Lexie has already seen one anyway, and that didn’t stop her from kissing me.
And what a kiss it was.
For the past four days, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. How her skin felt under the pads of my fingers. How her tongue tasted in my mouth, like the electrolyte drink she’d just had and something uniquely hers. How her body pressed against mine and made me want everyone in the stadium to disappear so I could have her all to myself. At the same time, I was thankful for everyone around us. I don’t know where my limits lie with her. At first, I thought any kind of touch would be a no-go. Then, when I saw she didn’t seem to mind my touch when she expected it, I explored further, always careful. I’m a touchy-feely person, always have been. I’ve greeted Aaron with hugs since we were in daycare. I cannot pass by my mother without giving her a quick embrace. It’s how I show my appreciation and love. I would’ve found another way with Lexie if she’d hated every kind of touch, but I’m starting to realize there are rules that, once respected, can make her feel both comfortable and safe with me. I just wish there was a textbook that came with her. I’m so afraid of crossing a line I didn’t know was there. What if a brush of her hand was fine, but a hug was too much? And what if a hug was good with her, but a kiss sent her back to a memory I’d give everything to eradicate from her mind?
The only solution I found was to follow her lead. I’ll do whatever she wants me to, so long as she shows me she’s okay with it first, and I’ll hold back from anything that might be a trigger for her.
I spritz some cologne on my neck, feeling myself starting to sweat under my arms. This is crazy. Both my reaction to the date and the date itself. I have never gone on a date for the purpose of actually dating since I was in high school. After that, it was seeing a girl because I knew that sooner or later, we’d have sex, maybe for a night or maybe for a month, and then we'd part ways amicably. I was fine with that, and the girls I was with were too. But tonight’s the total opposite. I will not have sex with her tonight, and I might not ever. This might be a hard boundary for Lexie, and after what she went through—whatever it is—I would understand it. And the weirdest part is, I don’t mind. Not one bit. Of course, I got hard when she kissed me and pressed her body against mine. I’m only human. But as much as I want her, I’d be okay with never having her that way. I like her body, but I like her mind way more. I wouldn’t have invited her on a date if I wasn’t sure of that.
My body feels the same way it did an hour before a playoff game. Ears buzzing, hands tingling, stomach hurting.
Jesus, get a grip, Finn.
I don’t know why I’m this nervous. This is just Lexie, after all. Lexie, who’s threatened me with her stinky feet and who’s seen me gag over food. Lexie, who knows some of the ugliest parts of me and still, for some strange reason, wants to spend time with me.
Giving my cheeks two slaps to keep me from freaking the fuck out even more, I exit my room and go to grab my keys. If I want to be at her place at 7:00 p.m. sharp, I need to leave in five minutes. Then, I’m bringing her to my favorite Italian restaurant a town over, and once we’re done eating, I’m driving her to an ice skating path through the woods, where twinkling lights shine over the ice and create a cozy, romantic experience. Maybe if I’m lucky, that’ll earn me another one of those earth-shattering kisses.
I feel like a teenager, lusting over a kiss, and surprisingly, I love it.
As I start zipping my coat, my phone buzzes on the console next to the door. For a millisecond, my heart stops. What if Lexie’s changed her mind? Then I remember once again that she’s Lexie and she wouldn’t do that to me. If anything, she’d call to tell me not to pick her up because she doesn’t need me to.
I grab my phone, surprised and relieved at the same time when I see it’s an unknown number calling.
“Hello?”
“Finn?”
Immediately, everything in my body tenses, ice filling my veins. “Fran?” I say.
My sister doesn’t answer, but the sound of her crying both confirms it’s her and scares the living shit out of me.
