Page 36 of Where We Belong
Maybe some people would tell me I’m stupid for being somber about this—I ranked in the top three for some elements, after all—but not Finn. He knows what those scores mean for someone who’s trying to get to the top. It means I failed. More than failed.
“I’m sorry,” Finn says.
My shoulders sink. I’m thankful he’s facing my back. I wouldn’t have wanted him to see just how much I needed to hear those words.
“Thanks. Me too.”
The washing machine thrums from the heavy load as I finally turn to face Finn, then go take a seat in front of him.
“The whole thing sucked, to be honest. I’m competing against girls almost half my age. I have no coach, no sponsor.”
“So what does it mean?” he asks. His head is propped on his hand, bright green eyes focused on me.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, are you giving up?”
“What?” I frown. “Why?”
“I don’t know. It’s probably what I’d do.” He shrugs. “If it’s not working, just walk away.” He lets out a humorless snicker.
“No. No way. I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can still win.” I rub a patchy area on my wrist, over and over. “I’m disappointed—fucking pissed at myself, really—but I’m not discouraged. That was just step one. I’m not done. I can still make it. I know it.” It almost feels like a mantra at this point. It doesn’t matter whether I believe it or not, so long as I pretend I do.
What Idon’tsay is that I don’t know how to face the alternative. I can’t let this go, because what will I be left with then? It’s what my lifeis. Why I moved across the country and abandoned my sister, who’s the only person who truly matters to me. How I convinced myself at my lowest points that this life was worth continuing to live. Ineedto succeed. There’s no other option.
“And what about the younger girls kicking your old ass?” Finn says, smirking. I can recognize now that what I imagined as arrogance when we met was really just his sense of humor.
“They better watch themselves. I’m coming for them.” I stand from the chair and pace around the kitchen, letting out the pent-up energy I’ve been harboring since my drive back from Mississauga. “They might have the best coaches and all the skills in the world, but I have something they don’t.”
“And what’s that?” Finn asks.
I lean over the table, my gaze on his. “Iwantit.”
Slowly, almost catlike, his lips curl up, a wicked glint in his eyes. Then, he lifts a glass of water that was sitting on the table and says, “I’ll drink to that.”
The next day, Shelli offers me her choreographers for new routines before New York, and as much as I want to brush her offer aside, I remember my discussion with Finn and what I need to reach my end goal, and I say yes.
Chapter 13
Finn
“Lookwhoitis!”
I can’t stop myself from smiling wide as I watch my best friend and his wife climb out of their SUV, their two dogs in tow. The moment Molly, the bigger of the two, is out of the car, she starts running my way, her dark fur rustling in the wind as she jumps on me.
“Ah, good girl,” I say as I rub her ears. “Yes, you’re a good girl.”
“Don’t you get kinky with my dog now,” Aaron says as he walks my way with two carry-on cases in his hands, grinning.
“Fucker,” I say before embracing him tightly. He drops the bags to the ground and taps my back twice, then hugs me a little longer. “I’ve missed you, brother,” I add. “You don’t visit enough.”
He pulls away. “I know. I’m sorry. Work’s been crazy, but we couldn’t miss this weekend.”
Martina, his mother, is celebrating her sixty-fifth birthday tomorrow, and my mom is organizing a party with our two families and a few friends from around town.
