Page 20 of Where We Belong
I stayed away as long as I could. And now here I am, with a job I love and family around me, and still I feel like escaping the life that keeps tugging me back.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I drag a hand over my scalp, feeling patches of thinner hair through the buzz cut. I’ve noticed I tend to get more of those when I’m back home than when I’m away. Maybe a sign that I should never have offered to manage the farm in the first place. I should have stayed untethered. Maybe a settled life simply isn’t for me, and that experiment only proved Chrissy’s statement from years ago.
But I’m still needed here, and the need to help is stronger than my feeling of suffocation.
For a nanosecond—really more of a passing thought than an actual idea—I think of going to the gym. Maybe Lexie’s there. It’s crazy I’d even think of going to see her when she’s the furthest thing from a friend I have, but she’s also the only person in this godforsaken town who doesn’t see me in a way I hate. She dislikes me, sure, but in a different way than others.
I’m sure a therapist would have a field day with me.
Not wanting to think more about it, I stand up, then go to my bedroom and change from my sweats into a flannel shirt and jeans. I won’t wait around for Francesca to deem me interesting enough to answer, and I won’t go to the gym either. That would probably be the definition of pathetic.
No, I’ll drive around and find a good place to hang out for the night. Maybe a bar or a pub. If I’m to be alone, might as well just go ahead and show some girl a good time. After all, that’s what I’m good at.
Chapter 8
Lexie
Alotofthingshave suffered from my dire financial situation over the years.
With all the gymnastics-related expenses I’ve had, my life has been lived counting pennies. My summer jobs and after-school gigs allowed me to practice my sport, but I never had any money left for anything else. My clothes were always too old or too cheap to win me friends at school. The handmade cards I brought to birthday parties always earned me side eyes. But since my injury, things have only gotten worse. My current grocery basket is a prime example of that.
I should be eating all kinds of lean proteins and nutritious meals if I want to get my body where it’s supposed to be, but sadly, adulthood includes realizing just how expensive vegetables are. I don’t meet the eyes of the cashier as I pay for the ramen noodles and half a dozen packs of frozen chicken breasts that were on sale.
I catch a few glances thrown my way as I fill my grocery bags. I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with being new in town. I’ve never lived in a place as small as Sonder Hill, and based on the way everyone greets each other everywhere I go, I’d say it’s custom to know everyone in town.
Once again, I feel like a puzzle piece that’sthis closeto the right shape, almost fitting, but not quite.
“Thanks,” I tell the teenage girl manning the register before I grab my bags and head out. My car waits for me in the parking lot in all its rusty glory. It might be old and make weird sounds every now and then, but as long as it can carry me where I need to go, I’ll keep her.
“Lexie?” I hear as I put the last of the bags inside the trunk. Not a lot of people know me in this town, much less by name. Anyway, I’d have recognized him by voice alone.
I turn to find Finn standing on the sidewalk closest to my car, but rear back when I realize he’s not alone.
A beautiful, tall, slim blonde stands next to him, a large smile adorning her lips.
Why am I surprised? Of course, he has a girlfriend. He’s a good-looking man, and as much as it would’ve pained me to admit it at first, he seems like a pretty good guy. Arrogant? Sure. But he also has a way of making me laugh, even when I try my hardest not to.
It takes me too long to answer. Why does it take me too long to answer?
“Oh, hey,” I say.
I meet his eyes, finding them to be a bright green today. I’ve noticed they change color depending on what he’s wearing or the time of day. Right now, they remind me of grass on dewy mornings, when the farm is still asleep but the trees feel alive.
They also remind me of how much of a bitch I was to him two days ago.
I didn’t want to leave him hanging like that, but survival instinct took over. My natural response to a situation of discomfort has always been to run. You don’t grow up in the kind of household I did and turn out any other way.
“What are you doing here?” he asks with a grin, but even if I haven’t known him for long, I see it’s not his usual fun one. It’s stiff.
I let out a single awkward chuckle, lifting the paper bag I’m holding. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
He laughs, and this time, I see a hint of true humor in it.
To his right, the girl lifts her pale eyebrows at him, which makes him say, “Uh, right. Lexie, this is Lilianne. Lil, this is Lexie.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” she says in a sweet voice, and I’m pretty sure I catch her pinching the skin behind Finn’s elbow. He winces.
