Page 19 of Where We Belong

Joining her for her run yesterday was a wild shot, but going back today would just be dumb. I’m notthatmuch of a sucker.

I get back to my puzzle, but fifteen minutes later, the only thing I’ve been able to do is fit two pieces on the peach and get even more restless.

Giving up, I stand up, then pick up my phone and call Aaron.

“Hey,” he says as he picks up. “What’s up?”

“I’m bored. Wanna do something?” He lives two hours away, but I’ll make the trek to Boston, no problem. We could go out. Maybe Wren would even want to come with us.

“Can’t,” my best friend says, bursting my balloon. “Will and Violet are in town, and they’re staying for a few days. You can join if you want, though,” he says, and although I’m sure he means it, I also know he rarely sees his cousin, and that time must be precious to them.

“Nah, I’m good. Actually, I just thought about that thing I have to do, so never mind. Have fun!”

“You sure? Wren’s cooking enough for ten people—although I can’t promise it’ll be any good.”

“You prick,” I hear Wren say in the background, followed by Aaron’s chuckles.

In a faint voice, he says, “I’m kidding,cariño.” He gives her a loud kiss, and while in public, I’d roll my eyes at how sickeningly sweet they are, here, in the privacy of my apartment, I can say I’m so fucking jealous it hurts. Not that I’m not happy for Aaron and Wren; they deserve it a thousand times. But this just reminds me of how lonely I am.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Say hi to Will and Violet for me.”

“Will do.”

I hang up, feeling even worse than I did before the call. How horrible of a friend does that make me?

Walking in circles around the living room, I scroll through my contacts. My only other real friend around here is Lilianne, but she’s likely busy with that boyfriend of hers.

I could always ask my folks if they want to come over for dinner—no, I’m not above hanging out with my parents as a social activity—but they’re having a date night at a fancy restaurant a few towns over.

There’s one last person I could reach out to, who might actually want to spend time with me. Francesca might often ignore me, but maybe today, she’ll want to see me.

My younger sister has always been some sort of enigma to me. She’s only a couple years younger, but it’s like there’s a world dividing us. When we were kids, she’d look up to me, ask me to go on drives and to tell her all about my high school life. She liked when I made her feel included. She had the biggest crush on Aaron for years, and while I teased her relentlessly about it, I still let her hang out with us whenever she wanted.

And then she turned sixteen, and everything changed.

Me: Hey, wanna come over for dinner tonight? I’m making those pork chops you like.

I wasn’t planning on it, but if she says yes, I’ll just go to the grocery store and make them. I’m not above bribing.

Mom would be happy if she came over. Ever since Fran started dating this Cameron guy, she’s been scaring us, and it only got worse after I asked her to stay away from him and he retaliated by breaking into the cabin one night and wrecking some of it. Since then, she’s been keeping her distance even when we both find ourselves at my parents’ place, and as much as I want to physically get her away from him, I know it would only alienate her.

I wait five minutes, then ten. Fifteen. No answer.

After thirty minutes, the “seen” message appears on screen.

And still, nothing.

I throw my phone down on the couch, letting myself fall onto my back next to it, my head hanging off the side. A TV show is on in the background, but I barely hear it. It’s not like I was watching it attentively in the first place.

This day reminds me of why I decided to leave, back when I was twenty. How trapped I felt here. How it felt like I knew everyone around this small town, and yet I had no one. I also have the same urge to pack up and buy the first plane ticket out of here, going wherever it takes me and go from there. Lose myself in a new culture and place, and forget about real life for a while.

Obviously, I can’t do it. I have responsibilities here now, and I’d never walk away from them, but that knowledge doesn’t tame my wanderlust.

Back then, Chrissy had just dumped me, and I was so heartbroken I’d gotten numb.

You’re a good time, Finn, but you’re not forever material.I can still hear her words, casually spoken over the phone like she wasn’t making me question everything I was.

The next day, I was on a plane to Taiwan. Staying in a town where no one saw me as anything worthy felt like living in a cage, and I’d had enough. I was just a good time? Sure, why not. I’d never settle down? Right on.

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