Page 107 of Where We Belong
I can’t remember the last time someone made me feel like I was a priority to them and didn’t just say it, but proved it too. I was wrong to say you couldn’t make me a priority after that night in January. No one is better at it than you. And that’s worth more than all the medals in the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to win this thing. Only, it won’t be because it’s the only thing I want, or the one thing that defines me. I’ll win it because I deserve it, and then I’ll come home to the most important thing. I’ll come home to you.
This time, I feel wetness gather in my eyes, and knowing it’s a lost cause, I simply let it fall and continue reading.
Because I love you too, Finn. Of course, I love you too. How could I not? I don’t know a single person who could meet you and not fall head over heels in love with you. You’re pure sunshine. You remind me of all the good things in life, and you never let me forget that better things are coming. I used to dread waking up in the morning, but with you, Iwantto live.
So I have a deal for you: Let’s stop pretending. Let’s put curtains up in your place. Let’s hang some picture frames and get you to buy freaking furniture so your apartment doesn’t feel so empty. Let’s settle you in and make this thing permanent. I’m ready to make Sonder Hill my home, and I’d really, really like it if you were too. In exchange, I can’t promise never to be crabby, because we both know that would be a lie, but I can promise to always be by your side and give you all the love I have—and that won’t be hard, because loving you is like breathing. Like leaving the ground and knowing there’s nothing to be afraid of because you’ll always land on your feet. It’s so damn easy.
I’ll see you later, and this time, if you don’t want to talk, I’m all for it.
Love,
Lexie
My cheeks are wet as I read her words again and again, trying to wrap my head around the fact that she means it. I fell in love with the most amazing woman, and by some miracle, she fell for me too.
When I finally lift my head from the page in my hands, it’s because her name has been called over the speakers, and even in my lovestruck daze, I couldn’t have missed it. Tucking the letter safely in my pocket—if you think I’d ever get rid of that proof, you’re dead wrong—I lean forward and brace my elbows on my knees, fingers resting on my lips, whispering a prayer to whoever’s listening that this goes well.
She’s starting with her most difficult event, and after her foot fracture, her landings have been rougher and less stable than before, but I know she can do it anyway.
My girl’s as focused as can be as she closes her eyes to take a deep breath, then exhales and begins.
Her mounting is flawless, just like the pirouettes and transitions that follow. I may not be a gymnastics expert, but I can’t see a single thing to correct as she releases the bar and does a flawless piked Jaeger. Even though multiple gymnasts are competing at the same time, I’d swear all eyes are riveted on Lexie and everyone in the stadium holds their breath as she lets go of the bar and exhales when she catches it again.
She spins and turns and flips, all the while keeping a good flow and a tight technique. Even without seeing her face, I can tell she’s having a good time, and what better moment to enjoy her sport than when she’s on the verge of reaching the top after a hell of a comeback? She must be over the moon right now, almost there, only having to get through the dismount that’s coming soon.
When we were talking about it in her bed a few days ago, she said she still wasn’t sure which dismount she’d use. On the one hand, she could go for an easier one that would mean sure points and a straightforward routine. On the other hand, she could do her double twisting double back again and try to get as many points as possible, even though it still brings her anxiety and it’s hard on her foot, which means she might not stick it. Even yesterday, she wasn’t settled on an idea.
I know her routine by heart now, so I can tell when it’s almost over. She gets into her first full swing, then the second, providing her with as much speed and momentum as possible, and when she releases the bar for her dismount, I’m pretty sure my lungs are about to burst in my chest. I stare with bated breath, and the moment I see the beginning of her spin, my face splits into the widest grin because who was I kidding? Of course, she went in for the kill. She wouldn’t have been happy with herself if she’d gone for the easier option, and I think she knew that too.
It feels like she spins forever, and when her feet finally touch the ground and she sticks the landing like it’s the easiest thing in the world, I jump to my feet and start shouting, my fist pumping the air like there’s no tomorrow. If people are offended, they can fuck right off because the woman I’m in love with just did the damn thing.
I wish I was closer to see the pride in her eyes, but even from here, I can tell she’s happy with herself. Her smile is bright and her back is straight as she salutes the judges at different angles.
There’s always a short gap of time between the end of the performance and the displaying of the scores, when the judges take the time to revise their numbers and share their final results with the administrators. I’ve gone to see Lexie compete enough times to know what her routine is during that time. She’ll walk over to where her tin water bottle is, take back-to-back swigs, crack her neck left and right, then turn to the score board and softly scratch at the irritated patch of skin on her left hand while waiting for the results. She’s never done it any other way, except for the one time I distracted her with my shout. Her attention won’t waver until she knows how she did and whether it should be enough for a podium.
But for the third time today, she rocks my world by ignoring all her usual habits and gazing straight in my direction instead, keeping her eyes and her grin connected with mine. Even when the scores appear, we don’t immediately look away, as if we both want to enjoy that peace and happiness for a second longer.
“I love you,” I mouth, and even if she can’t see it, I’m sure she feels it.
At the same time, we turn toward the score boards.
Lexie might need to keep her composure, but the second I see what I know will be the highest score of the day, I let myself jump and shout again.
It turns out she was right after all. The other girls around here might’ve had all the talent and chance in the world, but she had the secret ingredient: she wanted it more.
When I force myself to calm down after receiving too many nasty looks, I gaze back down at Lexie, who’s now striding toward the beam, her next event. One I’m sure she’ll ace.
I notice the moment she stops in her steps in front of a middle-aged man. I squint, and when I recognize his face, my hands curl into fists. Andy Lockwood, that fuckface who coached her and then proceeded to let her go. She never outright showed him to me, but a few minutes of research were enough for me to find him.
From what she’s told me, she’d only seen him once since he’d dumped her out of her old gym in Phoenix last year. They were close before her first injury, but afterward, he treated her like an old rag, and even though she didn’t say the words, I know that hurt her more than she’d care to admit.
Her pause in front of the man doesn’t last long. In fact, with what I imagine is her nastiest look, she steps past him, not uttering a single word to the man who thought he was better than her. After the performance she just did, he must be cursing repeatedly. That’s all he deserves. Lexie completely ignores him as she moves on to her next event.
Then, she proceeds to show the world what a fucking superstar she is.
Chapter 40
