Page 33 of Friends Rucked Up

When I was on the field tonight, I didn’t feel in control. It was like I was having an out of body experience and failing seemed to be the only way the match could end. I hate feeling off balance. I’m a planner. I’m not spontaneous, and I usually assess risks and choose the safest choice. I can’t do that with Saylor. I don’t want to lose her completely from my life, and I’m aware I’m already on thin ice.

“We’ll get them next time,” Lance says, as he takes the seat next to me.

“Yes. Tonight was just a glitch, but I can’t help feeling like it was partly my fault.” My lips turn down reflecting my mood.

“How do you work that out?”

I scratch my head. “My head wasn’t in the game.”

“Why not?” he seems genuinely interested.

“I didn’t exactly have an argument with Saylor, but it felt like it, and I’ve been thinking about our interaction even since.” I’m rambling but it’s hard for me to open up about her. My feelings have been a safely guarded secret for so long it’s scary to admit them.

“We all have those kinds of days where real life interferes with the game. You have to fix your mojo so we can get on with winning the league.” He pats my shoulder.

“I’m not sure I can.”

I’m making a huge mess of things. I never intended on telling Saylor how I felt about her. She could find a good guy to date, and I could keep doing my thing. Now, everything’s complicated.

“It’s obvious to everyone that you’re supposed to be together, so make it happen.” Lance’s words shock the hell out of me.

I know he thought he’d figured me out. That doesn’t mean he’d be seeing Saylor and I as a couple.

“It’s not that easy.” Honestly, I wish it was. She’s the only girl I’ve ever really wanted.

“Doesn’t she like you?” He smiles in that way he does when he’s baiting someone. I’m guessing he’s already decided she’s into me.

“I think she does or she’s at least willing to give me a chance if I don’t fuck it up before it’s even begun.” I let out a big sigh.

“So, what’s the problem?” He frowns like he doesn’t understand.

“Harlan.”

Right on cue, the guy in question approaches the table. First, he places his bottle down on a beer mat, and then he slides into an empty seat at the side of me.

“Sorry for your loss,” Harlan says.

“Nobody has died,” I say, with a frown.

I’m already feeling annoyed he’s here even though it’s unfair of me. Lance gives me a side glance but wisely chooses not to comment. I’m not in the mood to pretend I’m okay.

“Your face reads differently.” Harlan narrows his eyes like he’s trying to read me.

“Can’t we just drink our beer and talk about something else?” I tip my drink to my lips and take a swig.

“At least Selby Town Football Club won,” Lance says, which is a bit random because he’s never mentioned supporting them before.

“Selby’s the town to be in this year,” I say following his lead. Anything to change the subject will do.

“I’d rather be in Australia,” Harlan says.

“Then why don’t you leave?” I snap, instantly regretting it.

I’m being an asshole even though I have no excuse. He wasn’t the reason we lost the match. Lance is right, I need to sort my head out if I want to get my mind back in the game.

“Take a chill,” Lance says.

I rub my hand over my face. “Sorry. I should just take my sorry ass home.”

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